My Say...

I have been blogging for awhile now, sharing to the world about my pathetic problematic life.. I have written openly abt my feelings, stories & life endeavors.. Why? Sum ppl told me that my blog have tones of personal story that not supposed to be told in the cyber space..

My blog is not meant for showing off..my blog is not about being cool..& my blog is not abt impressing ppl..

It's my originality & my authenticity & this is me...

My blog is abt LEARNING in our life... I have been in a very turbulent life style & I always lost in my direction & stumble & fall & failed..

I hope when ppl read my blog...they learn sum thing frm my past experiences.. & if anybody wants to know me better, they would be able to know me little by little just by reading my blog..

So..whatever says..

I love my blog & my space...

S.H.A.R.I.N.G Tears or Happiness?

Today, I have been stung by sum close ppl in my life wit words that really did gives me sumthing to think abt..to take consider of..

I've gotten to know a good fren, I called 'Happy Bender', every happiness & fun that I can get..

She told me sumthing abt things that have been going around in my circle of problem for yrs...I know there will come a time, ppl get fed up wit my constant problem..yada yada..but eventually, it's me to decide..can I make up that decision..I cried, listening to every word she said..it hurts me little by little..& I can see it may affect her impression on me..where all tis while, I have been trying to 'cover' my current 'troubled' situation frm her coz I dun want her to know..but she was being a good fren that she is.. listening, advicing, hutful.. and I was touched..I'm glad to share that big part of me.. to her.. but I hope it doesnt 'hurt' our good friendship..

Fren, I dun wanna say much here, all I know, I was kinda relief to talk to you.. & afraid that tis might affect us..

But I do hope it's not.. I'll be really sad if it is..

Signed,

Baby Monkey

L.O.V.E

Dear,

It's the 'L' word...

I want to feel that again...I had enuff & sick & tired of inconsistency...

I've loved you for so long...I never stop...but u can't juz say all the things to me & expect me to have juz waited for you, u know it's never gonna be easy...it's not fair to say that I never care..for all u know that I've cried so many times regretting..It's about time for somebody else..

But my heart is not strong when it comes to love for u..

I need to keep u away frm me..

Let our Love go, & make way for others to come in...

At least u have done it...but I never did...

So let me..


I'll be lying if I say I didn't miss u at all...u were always my hero...


Truly madly deeply

Was It Something That I Didn't Say?

It's been awhile since I last update my blog with beautiful songs...

One of my dear dear dear fren..loves this song so much..

To my Happy Bender, this is for you...I enjoy ur funny ways in singing...tho it's not ur favourite trait, but it's always something memorable...! So here it is;



It's not easy to find this song u know...Finally! I found it..! Haha...enjoy ;-)


Was It Something That I Didn't Say

Something I didn't say
Something I didn't say

Spending another night alone
Wondering when
I'm gonna ever see you again
Thinking what I would give
To get you back, baby

I should have told you how I felt then
Instead, I kept it to myself, yeah
I let my love go unexpressed
'Til it was too late
You walked away

[Chorus 1:]
Was it something I didn't say
When I didn't say, "I love you"?
Was it words that you never heard
All those words I should have told you
All those times, all those nights
When I had the chance to?
Was it something I didn't say?
(Something I didn't say)
Was it something I didn't say?
(Something I didn't say)

Always assumed that you'd be there
Ooh, ooh, couldn't foresee
The day you'd ever be leaving me
How could I let my world
Slip through my hands, baby?

I took for granted that you knew, yeah
All of the love I had for you, yeah
I guess you never had a clue
'Til it was too late
You walked away

[Repeat chorus 1]

[Bridge:]
Oh, oh, all the words were in my heart
Well, they went unspoken
Baby, now my silent heart
Is a heart that's broken
I shoulda said so many things
Shoulda let you know
You're the one I needed near me
But I never let you hear me

[Chorus 2:]
Was it something I didn't say
When I didn't say, "I love you"?
Was it words that you never heard
All those words I should have told you
All those times, all those nights
When I had the chance to?
All those times, all those nights
When I had the chance to
Was it something I didn't say?
(Something I didn't say)
Was it something I didn't say?
(Something I didn't say)

Something I didn't say
(I'm so sorry, girl, so sorry)
Something I didn't say
(I'm so sorry, girl, so sorry)

Something I didn't say
Something I didn't say



xoxo

Just Me,

Cilla

One In A Million...

On my B-day...

Someone gave me a card...with juz a short message...

YOU ARE ONE IN A MILLION

Well...was I ever been important in ur life? How I wish I know if I am somewhat great to you...? I always wonder...I wanted to know...I cried so many times, hurt so many times, been thru 'alot', been wildly thought...because of you...& never EVER felt I'm being appreciate on the things I did or sacrifice...

I never wanted everything or ask anything from you but only answers...& I hope the answers u have given to me were something real, genuine & honest...

If it's a blessing...I hope u will never let go...u promised...


xoxo,

Me to You

On Sept 10th...2010

Yes...this date is special to me coz its my birthdate...a year to go & I'll be on my 3 series...

Huhu...what have I achieve or half way achieve? There are some good & bad...but whatever it is...so far...I'm ok...though there are many low points in my life this year...& how badly I felt losing someone whom were so dear to my heart...& dealing wit it..& I'm still trying to cope...well, sumthings were just better left unsaid in my heart I guess...besides...I know He is somewhere peaceful...up there...Miss u daddy... :'-(

Owh, on my b-day, I received the biggest pressie ever this year...I loikeee..

Thanks dear! U're the best! U know u are...! ;-)



Bebey & Me

Love bebey!!...besides, what matters the most is...the thought that counts...And u should know by now ur existence in my life is already the greatest gift for me dear...thanks alot..!


xoxo!!

Cilla

Lessons Learned...

I guess d title explains itself...

For a couple of mths, I have been doing lots of thinking on my life...was it the way I wanted to live it? Was it perfect? Have I filled it wit great stories tat I should be proud of to tell my future generations...?

I've to admit tat I had done lots of petty , small mistakes & wrong turn..& kept repeating it at times...I'm juz a normal human being..fragile, weak & so negative thru d whole journey..little did I know tat God made his plan for me in silence..

Somehow, I slowly realize & open my eyes to d real world & how I may achieve my dreams..& how to be strong..

I've broken down & fall apart so many times in my life & easily give up in doing things tat I was so determined at first..I was afraid..shy..shallow minded..

Til u told me..to be someone & to be strong.. ;-) yes u..

Time envy our times together, but everytime, u never stop giving me ur 'crappy' & 'rubbish' advices (u said it!) & as I always throw my 'so whateverrr...' face to u, I was a millionth times thankful for He brings u to me..

There were lessons learned..as d words came out frm u, always make me go back & revalue my life, priority & myself..

U make me feel tat I am someone worthy..
U make me realize tat life is abt balance..
U make me feel thankful for who I am inside..
U showed me tat life is all abt learning process..& experiences..
And the way u told me things that open my eyes & make me numb & stun for awhile..thinking..

U've done nothing! But only waking me up from my fantasy to face the reality of life...

I know I've been a baby all these while, you make me realise sumthings in this life, being a matured person in sorting my priority & make firm decisions in my future...

I know everyone is telling me that it is all up to me to live my life the way it was supposed to be...

I have been so weak, thinking tat I always need someone to be constantly there for me...but now I realise, somehow the way to be stronger is to LEAD our own life the way we wanted it to be & be happy for whatever decision we make...I admit that I do need reminders in my life...

And that 'reminder' were the ones that kept me believe in myself that I can face any challenges that comes my way...& I learn one experience from u...CONSISTENCY...haha! I know...

Have I learn the lesson?

We'll see... ;-)


Dedicate this entry for my Happy Bender!

xoxo!

Cilla