If I Am A Bird..

I remember when I was just a little girl, around 6 yrs old, my dad sign me up to play musical instrument, ie organ, instead of piano. Well, piano lesson were more expensive at the time...organ was more cheaper & well, it's an instrument also...

So there I am, at Technics music school, this quiet, shy & timid little girl starts her musical journey...my music teacher, Ms Liling Vung, was the most sweetest person I've known...my parents wanted me to be exposed to people when they sign me in to organ classes...they informed my teacher that I may not be like other children whom are playful...I still remember my mum told Ms Liling, 'she's very quiet & timid, be soft to her coz she's very obedient, no need to be strict...she listens to people very good...' Hahaha...! I remember that clearly coz believe it or not, I was hiding behind my mum's back & I was really terrified when they made me go there...I always feel like I wanted to cry each time they dropped me to class coz I was so scared to even enter the classes...pressure of every other children who wants to talk to me, Ms Liling asking question that I can't answer & to play the organ with everyone focusing on you, hearing your every melody & chords are properly played...intense & traumatic for a timid child with the likes of me...huhuhu...interestingly what happens?

After juz barely less than a year playing the organ, Ms Liling came up to me & ask me if I'm ready to perform on the stage...I was like, huh?! What?! Me. I'm so small...mana boleh...takuttt bah... But Ms Liling said she believe in me that I would not fail her...& I can do it all by myself...

So there I am, at Yayasan Sabah, after 2 mths, practising, the same old song keep on playing in my hands, by heart, until I can easily play the song even shutting my eyes...The Hall was filled with lots of people, my parents were there too & almost 2,000 audience were there (some were the big bosses of Technics Music School came all the way from Japan)...

When my name was called, I came out & bow to the audiences, & only God knows how crazy my head was 'spinning', rushy feeling & nervous all...I didn't start off well, I played the melody wrongly on the 1st line of the song...I realise it sooner than my reflects would, I stopped then I took a deep breath & start over...& the rest of it was history...after the song finishes, everyone applaud & I was kinda proud of myself...big smile...feels like the people appreciating our talent & our handwork of art...it was the best feeling at that so young age...

The song that I performed was titled, 'I Am A Bird'...sounds familiar? Yup, my title of this blog....& the purpose of my entry...

Today, I do some thinking at the back of my office, I look out at my office window, I saw a big bird, more like an eagle I think lah, was fyling around our office building...as I look at it, I was wondering, if I could really live free like a bird...

At times, I just feel like I wanted to fly freely..

If God gave me wings to fly,
I would have spread my wings to pick u up & set us free,
I would have flown far away lands,
Searching for a great peace of mind,

If I had wings to fly,
I would have search for the most peaceful place on earth,
Each time I breakdown,
Or each time I lift my head up high,
I just wanted to be me...

If my broken wings fallen,
I would have search for the ever told sanctuary,
Stopped there, thinking,
Will I ever be set free...

Wings to fly,
Hold my head up high,
And with a sigh,
A tear drop & I cry...

God be with me in my times of trouble, in times I need you...hope things were easy but it's not, so give me thy strength to lift up those heavy burden,at my back... Give me some signs that you're hearing my 'calls'...I just wanna be out of my neverending problems... ;'(



Fly Free