New Year 2010! New Resolution, New Me…

It’s a New Year 2010! WoOooHooOoo!! ;)

Each & every year we celebrate this event as a new chapter of our life…most people believe in doing resolution & marking a target in their life every early of the year and later on at the end of the year they will look back to see how far they’d achieve it…

I am a one of them…believing in making resolution or target on New Year’s Day…

This year, I made some resolution in hoping that I could achieve it by end of the year or maybe advance myself…having some improvement in my life…Off course I wouldn’t list it here lah…it will jinx hehe…

But generally, I wanted to be more matured & strong person…spiritually, mentally, physically & emotionally…it all start from the inside, my own body, my mind & only we could actually see a difference…Everyone wants to be in control of their life, deciding on what’s best for them…For these few years of my life, I come to realize that I was never been genuinely proud of my life or feel like I am achieving or moving up another level…I feel like I have been concentrating to sumthing which is so unnecessary & most of d time, I ‘hear’ & see myself in the mirror crying, stressed, alone, depressed & feel ‘unpretty’…Feels like a tortured soul & mind…

I’ve became someone whom easily bad tempered, emo, judgemental, hatred & envious…It’s like I’m a ‘living demon’ trapped in an angel’s body…haha (deep self declaration)…but seriously I’m living a life with seven deadly sins…I am a sinner…I dun wanna continue this…I feel like my believe in my God was seriously fading from me…I don’t see Him around anymore…have I neglecting Him? Sometimes I feel so lost…I wanted Him take my hands & say that it will all be Okay & that He’s forever here beside me… I am a regular church goer & a believer of Jesus Christ…coz since I was a little, I was baptised, communion & confirmation as a catholic people of God…it is an obligation to go 4 mass on Sunday…& I was doing so fine that time…though life was tough for my parents but somehow we are happy together…coz of our believe that God is watching a family that prays together, stays together…and the bond that I have with them… amazing… but after being far frm them for almost 10 yrs, I become more far apart from my ‘God’, my believes & my family… I grown to be someone that I don’t wanna be…d negative part is…I honestly felt that I’m becoming a cruel person… a really bad ones…I became an emo & very sensitive person... my tough life changed me to be someone who never appreciate & value life… but now I wanted to change to a positive newly improved me…be a better person all rounder… & I certainly dun wanna rely on other people anymore…I will try to ‘fly’ on my own…it’s abt time…

One thing that a fren of mine told me…no one can change you, coz it’s all comes frm you…only you can change your ‘pathetic’ life…stop pleasing others too much as I need to please myself first…yeah, it’s true & she inspires me to change… somehow her simple statement could actually ‘snap’ me to see the reality of life..(even now, I can feel warm tears rolling down my cheek thinking of it) I made some awful mistake but I dun wanna continue regretting it & blame it on others…coz tat time I thought I’ve make the best decision for me but turn out to be a perfect disaster…

So this year, I made a promise to myself to do things that only makes me happy & to not trouble my family whom loved me to death burdened by my complicated life…so here, with a little bit of prayer, a pinch of God’s blessing, a powerful family support & a great positive motivator frens…all it takes for a recipe of peaceful, happy & wonderful life to journey… ;)

I need to ‘cleanse’ myself this New Year & free myself from disturbing mind…pyschotic issue.. ;p

When I got to spend almost 3 weeks in my hometown here somehow God granted me most valueable gift of all…the gift of time, peaceful mind, pro’s & con’s of all my decisions & most important thing is…I became more attached to my family & somehow they easily understand me…& accept me for whom I have become… I will try to throw out all the negativity inside me & transform it to something positive that could challenge me to be better…right or not? Hehehe…

New Year should start with new attitude, with positive mind…I might have not been strong enuff during the New Year celebration yesterday that trigger me to be in a bad situation…but I hope this year will be a good one for me with my biggest decision is to move back to my hometown for good…probably by middle of the yr or end of this yr…

Well…I got to start somewhere…somehow… ;)
Am I really up for it? Only time will tell…on the other hand…it’s juz another year…

Happy New Year 2010!



New Person