Ada apa dengan Suara...? Kalau "Suara" adalah saya...Memang ini ditujukan untuk kamu...yang mengenggam, menyentuh hati, di ruang rindu, kita bertemu...
Suara...
Untuk dirimu, takkan ada lagi tangisan
Kerna dirimu, matahari bersinar
Dan setiap kali aku rasakan bila ada bersamamu
Tiada apa, kerna ku yakin akan kita ada
Untuk dirimu, ku akan berikan dunia
Kerna dirimu, ku tak lagi rasa sepi
Kerna bila ku merasa hadirnya dirimu
Tiada apa, kerna ku yakin akan kita ada
Suara ingin bernyanyi
Seperti tahu keagungan cerita kita
Suara kata...'ku amat menyayangi dirimu'
Seperti belum pernah ada indah ku sentuh
Ku berdoa seluruh cinta dunia hanya untukmu
Dan juga ku inginkan untuk diriku
Suara terus bernyanyi
Adakah ini kesudahan cerita kita...lagu kita
Ntah apa jadi akhirnya
Takkan ada lain menyaingi kisah kita
Teragungnya kasih terindah maupun gila
Siapa mengerti...'yin & yang' bezanya kita
Ini ceritera luar biasa
Lagu bernyanyi, hanya mengenggammu
Dengarkan suara, bisikkan kata
Disaat dirimu lemah & jatuh
Ini janji...Suara bersama...
teguh, walau kebanyakan kalinya lemah & buntu
konflik kecewa & merana
Luka lama sentiasa berdarah
Ku tak yakin tapi bersumpah
Dengan dirimu
Hanya untuk selamanya
Kerna...Ku Ada Kamu...
Itu Saja
CA
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
There's No One That...Someone Like You
Someone Like You
By Adele
I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"
Yeah.
You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Hanya Satu
Siapa percaya dgn Cinta adalah untuk selamanya?
Bila memulakan entry ini, banyak yg berada dalam fikiran. Tentang segala-galanya, apa yg dirasai, apa yg diingini, apa yg berada dihati & apa yg paling penting & priority dalam diri…
Bercinta adalah sesuatu yang terindah bagi sesiapa yang merasa. Bagi saya, bercinta adalah sesuatu yang jarang berlaku dalam hidup. Banyak kali, saya jatuh cinta & bermain cinta, tetapi cinta sejati hanya pernah berlaku 2 kali dalam sejarah cinta kasih hati ini yg pernah dimilikki oleh 2 lelaki yg istimewa.
Cinta sejati…? Cinta monyet…? Apa yang benar dalam perasaan cinta sebenarnya…? Kita selalu bertanya pada diri sendiri…apa itu cinta? Adakah ianya hanya mainan perasaan & buaian khayalan mimpi siang…? Atau cinta itu perasaan yg akan bertahan untuk selamanya…?
Bila soalan ini ditanya pada sepasang kekasih yang baru dalam 2-3 bulan hubungan bercinta…mereka menjawab, “Cinta adalah perkara terbaik berlaku dalam hati dua org yg bertemu & bertuah untuk jatuh cinta…” bukan jawapan tepat yg saya cari…
Apa itu cinta…? Adakah ianya perasaan…? sementara atau untuk selamanya…? Saya percaya cinta adalah datangnya dari perasaan dalam hati kita, bila kita berjumpa dgn seseorang yg istimewa untuk mendapatkan cinta.
Cinta adalah unconditional. Tiada batasan. Dari pengalaman saya, setiap kali saya jatuh cinta, perasaan itu tidak akan pernah padam dalam hati. Banyak kali saya dikecewakan dgn ayat2 cinta dia yg pernah saya milikki, tetapi perasaan itu tidak pernah hilang walaupun dia bukan tercipta untukku. Saat baru bercinta, dialah dunia, dialah segalanya, dialah milik hati ini. Dengan 1001 janji & ayat2 manis berkata…hanya membuatkan diri ini lemah untuk menolak betapa agungnya cinta dia.
Pernah sekali, satu petang pada hari sabtu, 19 Jun 1997, di ‘syurga’ hanya saya dgn dirinya, Tg Aru Pantai 1, ayat2 dia masih lagi jelas kedengaran dgn ukiran initial nama dia dgn saya di sepohon pokok kelapa, dia jokingly bertanya…” Kau rasa ni laut berapa luas…? Berapa dalam…?” Mcm biasa, cinta monyet terasa masa itu…saya jawab, “Manalah sia tau….kenapa…?” Dia dongakkan kepala ketika baring dipangkuan saya, hanya dengan mata dia bertentangan dgn mata saya…dia berkata, “Seluas & sedalam cinta saya sama kau lah….hehehehe….” Dgn nada mcm tu, saya tersenyum (dalam hati ntah apa rasa gundah nya…suka pun ada, benci pun ada…mengada pun ada…) saya jawab, “Apa bah ko ckp ni…? Mcm buduh oh…pigi lah berenang & dive dalam tu laut…kalau ko hidup, baru sia percaya…”
Dia bangun & terus berlari menuju ke tepi pantai, buka button t-shirtnya…pandang ke arah saya & berkata… “Ok…ko yang suruh sia…” Panik sekejap dgn gerakkan dia mcm tu, saya pun dgn pantasnya berdiri & meluru ke arah dia & memeluk dia dari belakang… “Ko ni gila kah…? Jangan….sia main2 ja bah… ok lah sia percaya lah bah…”
Dia tarik & pegang tangan saya, pusingkan badan dia & kami berdepan antara satu sama lain. Dengan jarinya, dia dongakkan dagu saya, menghadap muka dia & lantas mencium dahi saya, “Ko ingat sia mau betul2 kah…? Buduh lah bah kan sia gitu…” Saya reply dia sambil menjeling, “Jadi ko mau buat apa tadi…? Saja lah tu mau buat sia panic bah kan…buduh…kin panas…”
Tetapi dgn nada serius, dia jawab… “Bukan…actually sia mau buat ini…” Dia lepaskan saya dari pelukan & dia berpaling ke arah lautan…dan mula menjerit sekuat hati dia…
“I LUV U CILLA, SELUAS & SEDALAM LAUTAN….”
(Ketika saat dia mula menjerit, buat perkara bodoh & aksi mcm cintan habis2an itu…sebenarnya di hati saya, terasa dimanjakan & dicurahkan cinta yg hampir menitiskan airmata…kalau difikirkan balik masa itu, memang lah seolah-olah drama, tetapi, itu lah cinta pertama yg paling sejati & manis…)
Walaupun perkara itu biasa untuk sesetengah orang…tetapi tidak untuk saya…belum pernah ada orang yg berbuat begitu pada saya…mmg usia saya masa tu baru 16 tahun, tetapi untuk seseorang mcm dia yg 7 tahun tua dari saya, cinta sejati pertama saya adalah dgn diri dia…& sehingga saat ini, dia masih mempunyai tempat yg istimewa dihati saya walaupun dia telah bahagia berkahwin & dikurniakan 2 anak. Pengalaman bercinta yg teragung adalah hanya dgn dirinya.
Itu lah pertama kali dia buat aksi romantik dia untuk saya, selain dari banyak lagi benda2 istimewa yg dia buat selepas itu. Tetapi jeritan cinta itu adalah perkara pertama dia buat yg membuatkan saya rasa dihargai & hati saya dimilikki hanya untuk dia…
Cinta oh cinta…
Tidak hadir untuk diri saya sudah sekian lama, org kata saya terlalu memilih. Tapi dalam hati ini sebenarnya ada kerapuhan & luka yg tak mampu sembuh lagi. Bukan sekali dua putus cinta & dikhianati atau dikecewakan…banyak kali sehingga saya tidak mampu untuk merasai cinta hadir dalam jiwa saya lagi. Saya sudah lama putus harapan dgn cinta. Cinta saya pernah diduakan, cinta ini pernah ditipu, dikhianati, dikecewai & ditolak. Banyak luka parah dari ubat & tiada antibiotic cintanya. Ingin mencintai & dicintai sememangnya amat lah saya rindui untuk mengalaminya. Perasaan tidak yakin pada diri pun ada juga. Org nampak saya gah, seolah-olah mampu berdikari & kuat, tetapi disebaliknya, saya masih mempunyai naluri seorang wanita. Yang beremosional.
Apa yg saya inginkan dari seseorang lelaki ialah untuk memberi saya kekuatan dalam meneruskan kehidupan & membimbing saya kepada kehidupan yg mempunyai penuh nilai kasih sayang. Mampu menyayangi saya unconditionally. Cinta banyak cabaran & liku2 & risiko yg kita mungkin takut untuk lalui. Kalau dia sanggup berkorban apa saja & berani menghadapi segala cabaran untuk memilikki hati ini, maka dia layak untuk memilikki sepenuh diri saya & percaya akan kekuatan cinta & istana yg kami bakal bina. Dia harus membuktikan cinta dia terhadap hati ini. Yang dia inginkan cuma saya. Tiada lain. Itu lah impian setiap orang. Dicintai & Mencintai…2 perasaan, 2 hati, hanya dia dgn saya, bertemu, berkenalan, bersama, jatuh cinta, berjanji, menjadi satu. Hanya dengan Dia. Dia hanya untuk saya seorang. Hanya Satu.
P/s : Tapi untuk my ex-bf, cinta pertama saya…kau kenalkan saya dunia cinta, perasaan pertama & sentuhan yg akan meninggalkan parut terindah dalam hidup. Kau sudah temukan cinta yg baru, hanya berdoa kau hidup bahagia…selamanya.
I hope I will find true love one day too.
This song is for you…you’re my prince…always…
SOMEONE LIKE YOU
Bila memulakan entry ini, banyak yg berada dalam fikiran. Tentang segala-galanya, apa yg dirasai, apa yg diingini, apa yg berada dihati & apa yg paling penting & priority dalam diri…
Bercinta adalah sesuatu yang terindah bagi sesiapa yang merasa. Bagi saya, bercinta adalah sesuatu yang jarang berlaku dalam hidup. Banyak kali, saya jatuh cinta & bermain cinta, tetapi cinta sejati hanya pernah berlaku 2 kali dalam sejarah cinta kasih hati ini yg pernah dimilikki oleh 2 lelaki yg istimewa.
Cinta sejati…? Cinta monyet…? Apa yang benar dalam perasaan cinta sebenarnya…? Kita selalu bertanya pada diri sendiri…apa itu cinta? Adakah ianya hanya mainan perasaan & buaian khayalan mimpi siang…? Atau cinta itu perasaan yg akan bertahan untuk selamanya…?
Bila soalan ini ditanya pada sepasang kekasih yang baru dalam 2-3 bulan hubungan bercinta…mereka menjawab, “Cinta adalah perkara terbaik berlaku dalam hati dua org yg bertemu & bertuah untuk jatuh cinta…” bukan jawapan tepat yg saya cari…
Apa itu cinta…? Adakah ianya perasaan…? sementara atau untuk selamanya…? Saya percaya cinta adalah datangnya dari perasaan dalam hati kita, bila kita berjumpa dgn seseorang yg istimewa untuk mendapatkan cinta.
Cinta adalah unconditional. Tiada batasan. Dari pengalaman saya, setiap kali saya jatuh cinta, perasaan itu tidak akan pernah padam dalam hati. Banyak kali saya dikecewakan dgn ayat2 cinta dia yg pernah saya milikki, tetapi perasaan itu tidak pernah hilang walaupun dia bukan tercipta untukku. Saat baru bercinta, dialah dunia, dialah segalanya, dialah milik hati ini. Dengan 1001 janji & ayat2 manis berkata…hanya membuatkan diri ini lemah untuk menolak betapa agungnya cinta dia.
Pernah sekali, satu petang pada hari sabtu, 19 Jun 1997, di ‘syurga’ hanya saya dgn dirinya, Tg Aru Pantai 1, ayat2 dia masih lagi jelas kedengaran dgn ukiran initial nama dia dgn saya di sepohon pokok kelapa, dia jokingly bertanya…” Kau rasa ni laut berapa luas…? Berapa dalam…?” Mcm biasa, cinta monyet terasa masa itu…saya jawab, “Manalah sia tau….kenapa…?” Dia dongakkan kepala ketika baring dipangkuan saya, hanya dengan mata dia bertentangan dgn mata saya…dia berkata, “Seluas & sedalam cinta saya sama kau lah….hehehehe….” Dgn nada mcm tu, saya tersenyum (dalam hati ntah apa rasa gundah nya…suka pun ada, benci pun ada…mengada pun ada…) saya jawab, “Apa bah ko ckp ni…? Mcm buduh oh…pigi lah berenang & dive dalam tu laut…kalau ko hidup, baru sia percaya…”
Dia bangun & terus berlari menuju ke tepi pantai, buka button t-shirtnya…pandang ke arah saya & berkata… “Ok…ko yang suruh sia…” Panik sekejap dgn gerakkan dia mcm tu, saya pun dgn pantasnya berdiri & meluru ke arah dia & memeluk dia dari belakang… “Ko ni gila kah…? Jangan….sia main2 ja bah… ok lah sia percaya lah bah…”
Dia tarik & pegang tangan saya, pusingkan badan dia & kami berdepan antara satu sama lain. Dengan jarinya, dia dongakkan dagu saya, menghadap muka dia & lantas mencium dahi saya, “Ko ingat sia mau betul2 kah…? Buduh lah bah kan sia gitu…” Saya reply dia sambil menjeling, “Jadi ko mau buat apa tadi…? Saja lah tu mau buat sia panic bah kan…buduh…kin panas…”
Tetapi dgn nada serius, dia jawab… “Bukan…actually sia mau buat ini…” Dia lepaskan saya dari pelukan & dia berpaling ke arah lautan…dan mula menjerit sekuat hati dia…
“I LUV U CILLA, SELUAS & SEDALAM LAUTAN….”
(Ketika saat dia mula menjerit, buat perkara bodoh & aksi mcm cintan habis2an itu…sebenarnya di hati saya, terasa dimanjakan & dicurahkan cinta yg hampir menitiskan airmata…kalau difikirkan balik masa itu, memang lah seolah-olah drama, tetapi, itu lah cinta pertama yg paling sejati & manis…)
Walaupun perkara itu biasa untuk sesetengah orang…tetapi tidak untuk saya…belum pernah ada orang yg berbuat begitu pada saya…mmg usia saya masa tu baru 16 tahun, tetapi untuk seseorang mcm dia yg 7 tahun tua dari saya, cinta sejati pertama saya adalah dgn diri dia…& sehingga saat ini, dia masih mempunyai tempat yg istimewa dihati saya walaupun dia telah bahagia berkahwin & dikurniakan 2 anak. Pengalaman bercinta yg teragung adalah hanya dgn dirinya.
Itu lah pertama kali dia buat aksi romantik dia untuk saya, selain dari banyak lagi benda2 istimewa yg dia buat selepas itu. Tetapi jeritan cinta itu adalah perkara pertama dia buat yg membuatkan saya rasa dihargai & hati saya dimilikki hanya untuk dia…
Cinta oh cinta…
Tidak hadir untuk diri saya sudah sekian lama, org kata saya terlalu memilih. Tapi dalam hati ini sebenarnya ada kerapuhan & luka yg tak mampu sembuh lagi. Bukan sekali dua putus cinta & dikhianati atau dikecewakan…banyak kali sehingga saya tidak mampu untuk merasai cinta hadir dalam jiwa saya lagi. Saya sudah lama putus harapan dgn cinta. Cinta saya pernah diduakan, cinta ini pernah ditipu, dikhianati, dikecewai & ditolak. Banyak luka parah dari ubat & tiada antibiotic cintanya. Ingin mencintai & dicintai sememangnya amat lah saya rindui untuk mengalaminya. Perasaan tidak yakin pada diri pun ada juga. Org nampak saya gah, seolah-olah mampu berdikari & kuat, tetapi disebaliknya, saya masih mempunyai naluri seorang wanita. Yang beremosional.
Apa yg saya inginkan dari seseorang lelaki ialah untuk memberi saya kekuatan dalam meneruskan kehidupan & membimbing saya kepada kehidupan yg mempunyai penuh nilai kasih sayang. Mampu menyayangi saya unconditionally. Cinta banyak cabaran & liku2 & risiko yg kita mungkin takut untuk lalui. Kalau dia sanggup berkorban apa saja & berani menghadapi segala cabaran untuk memilikki hati ini, maka dia layak untuk memilikki sepenuh diri saya & percaya akan kekuatan cinta & istana yg kami bakal bina. Dia harus membuktikan cinta dia terhadap hati ini. Yang dia inginkan cuma saya. Tiada lain. Itu lah impian setiap orang. Dicintai & Mencintai…2 perasaan, 2 hati, hanya dia dgn saya, bertemu, berkenalan, bersama, jatuh cinta, berjanji, menjadi satu. Hanya dengan Dia. Dia hanya untuk saya seorang. Hanya Satu.
P/s : Tapi untuk my ex-bf, cinta pertama saya…kau kenalkan saya dunia cinta, perasaan pertama & sentuhan yg akan meninggalkan parut terindah dalam hidup. Kau sudah temukan cinta yg baru, hanya berdoa kau hidup bahagia…selamanya.
I hope I will find true love one day too.
This song is for you…you’re my prince…always…
SOMEONE LIKE YOU
The Saga Continues...Part 1
The Twilight Saga : Breaking Dawn Part 1
I love this song much more than Bruno Mars, It Will Rain which the first official soundtrack...Christina Perri, A Thousand Years suits perfectly to the love & romance between Edward & Bella...& the song reminds me so much on their previous soundtrack during Twilight by Iron & Wine, Flightless Bird, American Mouth...see below & enjoy both songs.... ;-)
Twilight Soundtrack
By Iron & Wine, Flightless Bird, American Mouth
Breaking Dawn Part 1 Soundtrack
By Christina Perri, A Thousand Years
I'm not a HUGE fan of The Twilight Saga but still I love romantic movies...the problem for me on the twilight saga thing is the storyline which is for me, too cliche...though Edward & Bella both going thru some events which are so difficult & unpredictable. But watever it is, I still enjoy watching Jacob aka Taylor Lautner without his t-shirt on....*drool* hahahaa....! I'm just a typical girl who enjoys sexy man... alright... yeahh.. hahaha ;-D
Always a Team Jacob
Cilla
Sorry can't help it...I need to show you how sexy Taylor is;
I love this song much more than Bruno Mars, It Will Rain which the first official soundtrack...Christina Perri, A Thousand Years suits perfectly to the love & romance between Edward & Bella...& the song reminds me so much on their previous soundtrack during Twilight by Iron & Wine, Flightless Bird, American Mouth...see below & enjoy both songs.... ;-)
Twilight Soundtrack
By Iron & Wine, Flightless Bird, American Mouth
Breaking Dawn Part 1 Soundtrack
By Christina Perri, A Thousand Years
I'm not a HUGE fan of The Twilight Saga but still I love romantic movies...the problem for me on the twilight saga thing is the storyline which is for me, too cliche...though Edward & Bella both going thru some events which are so difficult & unpredictable. But watever it is, I still enjoy watching Jacob aka Taylor Lautner without his t-shirt on....*drool* hahahaa....! I'm just a typical girl who enjoys sexy man... alright... yeahh.. hahaha ;-D
Always a Team Jacob
Cilla
Sorry can't help it...I need to show you how sexy Taylor is;
Saturday, November 19, 2011
He wrote to me...'It's About A Girl - Nirvana'
I was checking out YouTube for new songs & suddenly I happens to see a song that remind me of him...
My best friend, a guy friend who currently not in good terms with me anymore...well, things happened...what risk do you take if you turn ur best friend into lover? It may turn out ugly...it happens to us...
I remember how romantic he is, how sweet he is, how caring he is...& how loving he is...when we fight, I mean a lot of times...but I remember he text me right after a huge fight, he storm off, leaves the apartment & he was driving back...he wrote to me the lyrics of this song...& he wrote...'it's about you'...
He knows I love Nirvana...& Creed & alternative music...we were in a band together... we went jamming together & it was the best time of my life... ;)
I never understood what happened to us actually...at first we were best friend, then became something more, then back to friends then became something deeper...
In the end, it doesn't work for us...I'm not sure what happened to him...but deep down my heart...he was the best guy friend I ever had...
Handsome, funny, sweet, caring & he was the best...owh, did I mentioned he's a playboy...? Very very veryyyy good with his words to melt a woman's heart...
But this songs reminds me of your ways...enjoy ;-)
It's About A Girl - Nirvana
I need an easy friend
I do, With an ear to lend
I do, Think you fit this shoe
I do, But DO you have a clue?
I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night. Free
...I do
I'm standing in your line
I do, Hope you have the time
I do, Pick up number two
I do, Keep a date with you
I take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night. Free
I need an easy friend
I do, With an ear to lend
I do, Think you fit this shoe
I do, But DO you have a clue?
I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night,
no I can't see you every night...
free
I do...
My best friend, a guy friend who currently not in good terms with me anymore...well, things happened...what risk do you take if you turn ur best friend into lover? It may turn out ugly...it happens to us...
I remember how romantic he is, how sweet he is, how caring he is...& how loving he is...when we fight, I mean a lot of times...but I remember he text me right after a huge fight, he storm off, leaves the apartment & he was driving back...he wrote to me the lyrics of this song...& he wrote...'it's about you'...
He knows I love Nirvana...& Creed & alternative music...we were in a band together... we went jamming together & it was the best time of my life... ;)
I never understood what happened to us actually...at first we were best friend, then became something more, then back to friends then became something deeper...
In the end, it doesn't work for us...I'm not sure what happened to him...but deep down my heart...he was the best guy friend I ever had...
Handsome, funny, sweet, caring & he was the best...owh, did I mentioned he's a playboy...? Very very veryyyy good with his words to melt a woman's heart...
But this songs reminds me of your ways...enjoy ;-)
It's About A Girl - Nirvana
I need an easy friend
I do, With an ear to lend
I do, Think you fit this shoe
I do, But DO you have a clue?
I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night. Free
...I do
I'm standing in your line
I do, Hope you have the time
I do, Pick up number two
I do, Keep a date with you
I take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night. Free
I need an easy friend
I do, With an ear to lend
I do, Think you fit this shoe
I do, But DO you have a clue?
I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night,
no I can't see you every night...
free
I do...
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Bald Guys...Sexier, Hotter, Appealing...
A strange thing makes me realise something special today...
I find bald guys seems hot & sexy...it's weird though coz I love spiky hair kinda guys. But lately, I look at bald guys, it seems more appealing & masculine for me. They look more man-lier, & it really add points if they have well built body (doesn't necessarily muscular, at least not skinny...if slightly big also would be nice...) & unshaven beard or goatie is definitely a winner...
Nowadays, I find guys doesn't necessarily to be good-looking but if they are presentable enuff, I look at them & I said to myself, 'Oh my...' Hahahahaha...I really think that I am going crazy...Crazy for a man, craving for a men...
I think I need one...right now... ;D
*think Vin Diesel, Agassi, Bruce Willis, Stone Cold Steve Austin (my ultimate dream guy), Pitbull....oh man, the list goes on & on & on.....*
I find bald guys seems hot & sexy...it's weird though coz I love spiky hair kinda guys. But lately, I look at bald guys, it seems more appealing & masculine for me. They look more man-lier, & it really add points if they have well built body (doesn't necessarily muscular, at least not skinny...if slightly big also would be nice...) & unshaven beard or goatie is definitely a winner...
Nowadays, I find guys doesn't necessarily to be good-looking but if they are presentable enuff, I look at them & I said to myself, 'Oh my...' Hahahahaha...I really think that I am going crazy...Crazy for a man, craving for a men...
I think I need one...right now... ;D
*think Vin Diesel, Agassi, Bruce Willis, Stone Cold Steve Austin (my ultimate dream guy), Pitbull....oh man, the list goes on & on & on.....*
Sempurna
SEMPURNA
Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu
Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu
Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa
[Reff:]
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...
Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku
Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa
[Reff:]
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...
Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku
CA
ILY
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Lagu Kita...
Love this song so much...
Our Song... ;)
Lagu Kita - Aizat
Deras hatiku berdetar
Di langit aku terlihat kamu
Terang malam,teman kita
Dengan angin meniup sayu
Ku petik gitar akustik ini
Dengan harapan dia mendengar
Melodi indah yang ku cipta
Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya
Dan aku terus,
Menyanyi lagu ini untukmu,
Walau berjuta mendengar,
Lagu ini hanya untukmu,
Arah hidup kita,
Digambar bintang di angkasa
Dan berkelip melukis cinta
Terciptalah lagu kita
Our Song... ;)
Lagu Kita - Aizat
Deras hatiku berdetar
Di langit aku terlihat kamu
Terang malam,teman kita
Dengan angin meniup sayu
Ku petik gitar akustik ini
Dengan harapan dia mendengar
Melodi indah yang ku cipta
Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya
Dan aku terus,
Menyanyi lagu ini untukmu,
Walau berjuta mendengar,
Lagu ini hanya untukmu,
Arah hidup kita,
Digambar bintang di angkasa
Dan berkelip melukis cinta
Terciptalah lagu kita
Hanya Cerita
Hadirnya cerita
Amat lah dekat dihati ini…
Perit…pilu & terasa ada kehilangan…
Mereka yg lain takkan merasai apa yg dilalui…
Segala cerita menjadi yg terindah dlm kenangan…
Terasa seperti di syurga…
Suatu ketika dulu semuanya ceria…
Bagaikan telah ditulis…
Cerita kita…
Kenapa terpaksa dilalui…
Bagaikan malapetaka yg tak sudah…
Tangisan tak terkira…
Percakaran yg tak dijangka…
Keutuhan hati tiada batasan membuktikan…
Ku berharap
Tulus hati ini…
Akan menyakinkan semua…
Semoga Tuhan mendengar doaku…
Kenapa perlu ditempuh…
Bagaikan tembok China yg keras…
Halangan yg membuatkan aku lemah…
Tak terdaya bila kehilanganmu
Aku tak biasa bila kau tiada disisi…
Tapi ada kah aku yg kau pilih?
Dan tiada pilihan kedua…
Kerana Ku Ada Kamu…saja…
Signed,
Cilla
Amat lah dekat dihati ini…
Perit…pilu & terasa ada kehilangan…
Mereka yg lain takkan merasai apa yg dilalui…
Segala cerita menjadi yg terindah dlm kenangan…
Terasa seperti di syurga…
Suatu ketika dulu semuanya ceria…
Bagaikan telah ditulis…
Cerita kita…
Kenapa terpaksa dilalui…
Bagaikan malapetaka yg tak sudah…
Tangisan tak terkira…
Percakaran yg tak dijangka…
Keutuhan hati tiada batasan membuktikan…
Ku berharap
Tulus hati ini…
Akan menyakinkan semua…
Semoga Tuhan mendengar doaku…
Kenapa perlu ditempuh…
Bagaikan tembok China yg keras…
Halangan yg membuatkan aku lemah…
Tak terdaya bila kehilanganmu
Aku tak biasa bila kau tiada disisi…
Tapi ada kah aku yg kau pilih?
Dan tiada pilihan kedua…
Kerana Ku Ada Kamu…saja…
Signed,
Cilla
Monday, August 22, 2011
Our Differences...Seperti Hitam & Putih
Our differences makes us closer...
Perbezaan,
Persefahaman yg mengeratkan
Dua dunia yg jauh berbeza
Mengerti ada hadirnya hitam dan putih
Sentiasa ada panca roba
Yang hairannya
Kenapa lebih tarikan
Dan tak terdaya menolaknya
Kau percaya ada chemistry nya
Aku percaya takdir
Dan yakin dengan Dia
Temukan & bicara kita
Di satu hari yg mulia
Selepas 1 Syawal menjelma
Aku temui Sinar
Dalam kegelapan
Hanya merasai kekuatan
Memang akan bertahan...selamanya
Kerana apa?
Aku percaya dgn kita...
;-)
Signed
Cilla
Perbezaan,
Persefahaman yg mengeratkan
Dua dunia yg jauh berbeza
Mengerti ada hadirnya hitam dan putih
Sentiasa ada panca roba
Yang hairannya
Kenapa lebih tarikan
Dan tak terdaya menolaknya
Kau percaya ada chemistry nya
Aku percaya takdir
Dan yakin dengan Dia
Temukan & bicara kita
Di satu hari yg mulia
Selepas 1 Syawal menjelma
Aku temui Sinar
Dalam kegelapan
Hanya merasai kekuatan
Memang akan bertahan...selamanya
Kerana apa?
Aku percaya dgn kita...
;-)
Signed
Cilla
Friday, August 19, 2011
Hari Yang Tak Begitu Ok...
Hari ni bukan lah hari yg terbaik I lalui mcm biasa...lately I'm quite happy with my life...
Kadang2...ada masa kita di atas, ada masa kita di bawah...pagi2 lagi I was disturbed by someone yg I have on & off situation...dia dtg tanpa diundang...kitorg berbincang sekejap even I dah kt ofis...
Byk benda hanging, problem dtg (salah sendiri, tanggung sendiri) & I feel sgt2 menyesal to wat happen to us & wat we put ourselves into...
I cuba tenangkan diri...with somethings that I arranged for a treat tat evening...I control myself not to cry...but I cried almost on every applications I was doing tat time...menahan diri drpd org ofis nampak I...
Maybe I really need to relax & calm down myself...kdg2 I rasa I tak dihargai, tapi sape yg tahu? Sape yg merasa & menyelami hati I...? Hanya diri I sendiri...
I comfort diri I sendiri, pujuk hati I utk menerima apa saja...
I sedar diri I sape...kdg2 lupa... So...Maafkan diri ini...kalau salah utk bereaksi sebegitu...
Hari ni I puasa...walaupun minum jugak masa pagi bfast sbb nak makan ubat high blood & minum coffee masa tghari...still I masih kira puasa lah...cuma tak penuh... :)
Mlm ni sambil mendengar bunyi angin yg agak kuat diluar rumah (mcm nak hujan ribut jer...) tapi suhu kat rumah ni mcm sauna pula...panas..hopefully hujan mlm ni menemani I kat rumah sorang2...
Tak makan dinner penuh malam ni...cuma makan tinggalan buah mangga muda yg I beli 3 packet haritu...& seri muka yg I beli petang td...sambil minum milo, blogging... makan mangga dgn cili campur garam (harap2 tak gastric jer..) mmg best...
Kadang2 susah gak nak mulakan penulisan...limitation yg I hadapi...but I think ok lah kot skrg ni....boleh lah menulis benda2 yg tak menyinggung mana2 pihak...
Apa yg saya tulis hanya lah utk luahan perasaan diri...& utk reminder pada diri ini tentang kehidupan yg dilalui...belajar untuk menjadi seorang yg matang & berdikari bukan sesuatu yg mudah...byk kene lalui...byk kene bersabar...sama2 lah kita melaluinya...bukan senang nak berubah dari mengada hingga tak mengada... :)
Btw, skrg dah pun hujan lebat siap kilat sambung menyambung...mcm nak panah I pun ader..astro hilang terus...so mata pun dah redup2 ni, tanda nak modop aka tido ler...
Esok kene bangun pagi awal, nak gi keje...kesian saturday kene keje sorang2...tapi takper...janji OT masuk lebih bulan depan yer... ;)
zzZZZZzzzZZZzzzzz......
Signed,
Cilla
Kadang2...ada masa kita di atas, ada masa kita di bawah...pagi2 lagi I was disturbed by someone yg I have on & off situation...dia dtg tanpa diundang...kitorg berbincang sekejap even I dah kt ofis...
Byk benda hanging, problem dtg (salah sendiri, tanggung sendiri) & I feel sgt2 menyesal to wat happen to us & wat we put ourselves into...
I cuba tenangkan diri...with somethings that I arranged for a treat tat evening...I control myself not to cry...but I cried almost on every applications I was doing tat time...menahan diri drpd org ofis nampak I...
Maybe I really need to relax & calm down myself...kdg2 I rasa I tak dihargai, tapi sape yg tahu? Sape yg merasa & menyelami hati I...? Hanya diri I sendiri...
I comfort diri I sendiri, pujuk hati I utk menerima apa saja...
I sedar diri I sape...kdg2 lupa... So...Maafkan diri ini...kalau salah utk bereaksi sebegitu...
Hari ni I puasa...walaupun minum jugak masa pagi bfast sbb nak makan ubat high blood & minum coffee masa tghari...still I masih kira puasa lah...cuma tak penuh... :)
Mlm ni sambil mendengar bunyi angin yg agak kuat diluar rumah (mcm nak hujan ribut jer...) tapi suhu kat rumah ni mcm sauna pula...panas..hopefully hujan mlm ni menemani I kat rumah sorang2...
Tak makan dinner penuh malam ni...cuma makan tinggalan buah mangga muda yg I beli 3 packet haritu...& seri muka yg I beli petang td...sambil minum milo, blogging... makan mangga dgn cili campur garam (harap2 tak gastric jer..) mmg best...
Kadang2 susah gak nak mulakan penulisan...limitation yg I hadapi...but I think ok lah kot skrg ni....boleh lah menulis benda2 yg tak menyinggung mana2 pihak...
Apa yg saya tulis hanya lah utk luahan perasaan diri...& utk reminder pada diri ini tentang kehidupan yg dilalui...belajar untuk menjadi seorang yg matang & berdikari bukan sesuatu yg mudah...byk kene lalui...byk kene bersabar...sama2 lah kita melaluinya...bukan senang nak berubah dari mengada hingga tak mengada... :)
Btw, skrg dah pun hujan lebat siap kilat sambung menyambung...mcm nak panah I pun ader..astro hilang terus...so mata pun dah redup2 ni, tanda nak modop aka tido ler...
Esok kene bangun pagi awal, nak gi keje...kesian saturday kene keje sorang2...tapi takper...janji OT masuk lebih bulan depan yer... ;)
zzZZZZzzzZZZzzzzz......
Signed,
Cilla
Thursday, August 18, 2011
...3 Series & Time Off...
With me, going to the world of 3-series...
I'm gonna take a time-off to travel...hopefully it's gonna happen...
I need to look for the inner-peace of myself, to know where I wanna be...really finding what I could do more in my life...
*fingers crossed*
May God Guide me...
Signed,
Cilla
I'm gonna take a time-off to travel...hopefully it's gonna happen...
I need to look for the inner-peace of myself, to know where I wanna be...really finding what I could do more in my life...
*fingers crossed*
May God Guide me...
Signed,
Cilla
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
...Aku Tak Biasa...Ku Tak Sanggup...
Aku tak biasa, bila tiada kau disisiku...
Aku tak biasa bila ku tak mendengar suaramu...
Aku tak biasa, bila tak memeluk dirimu...
Aku tak biasa, bila ku tidur tanpa belaianmu...
Aku tak biasa...
Haruskah aku menangis lagi
Ku tak sanggup bila aku jauh dari dirimu
Ku tak sanggup bila aku jauh....
Aku tak biasa bila ku tak mendengar suaramu...
Aku tak biasa, bila tak memeluk dirimu...
Aku tak biasa, bila ku tidur tanpa belaianmu...
Aku tak biasa...
Haruskah aku menangis lagi
Ku tak sanggup bila aku jauh dari dirimu
Ku tak sanggup bila aku jauh....
...I'm Lucky....
It's a feeling that I can't really describe with words or actions...
It's just a simple word to understand...LUCKY...
Easy word to say, but it's what the heart felt is what matters the most...
I say this a lot of times...I proudly announce it to the whole world...
...I THANK GOD FOR YOU...
:)
It's just a simple word to understand...LUCKY...
Easy word to say, but it's what the heart felt is what matters the most...
I say this a lot of times...I proudly announce it to the whole world...
...I THANK GOD FOR YOU...
:)
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Ku Ada Kamu.... 'forever & always...'
I will always remember this song...& I will always remember you...
Thank you for this song...
Thank you for being a great person & wonderful that you are...
Despite all, everytime I hear this song, I can see you... ;-)
Be good, be strong...
Ku Ada Kamu
Di kala ku kehilangan di dalam kegelapan,
Kau suluhkan sinar petunjuk,
Di kala ku kesedihan,
kau ukirkan senyuman,
Dengan penuh sabar memujuk,
Engkau menyambut tiap kali aku terjatuh.
Andai hari esok langit akan runtuh,
Tabahlah menjunjung bersamaku,
Andai hari esok dunia gelora,
Takkan ku gemuruh selagi ku ada kamu.
Di kala aku tak pasti,
Kau tampil dengan berani,
Membimbing agar lebih yakin,
Dan bila hidup penuh soalan,
Kau berikan jawapan,
Melengkap semua kekurangan...
Engkau menyambut tiap kali aku terjatuh,
Andai hari esok langit akan runtuh,
Tabahlah menjunjung bersamaku,
Andai hari esok dunia gelora,
Takkan ku gemuruh selagi ku ada kamu.
Tidak mungkin diri ini mampu,
Hidup tanpa doronganmu,
Andai hari esok langit akan runtuh,
Tabahlah menjunjung bersamaku,
Andai hari esok dunia gelora,
Takkan ku gemuruh selagi ku ada kamu.
;-)
Thank you for this song...
Thank you for being a great person & wonderful that you are...
Despite all, everytime I hear this song, I can see you... ;-)
Be good, be strong...
Ku Ada Kamu
Di kala ku kehilangan di dalam kegelapan,
Kau suluhkan sinar petunjuk,
Di kala ku kesedihan,
kau ukirkan senyuman,
Dengan penuh sabar memujuk,
Engkau menyambut tiap kali aku terjatuh.
Andai hari esok langit akan runtuh,
Tabahlah menjunjung bersamaku,
Andai hari esok dunia gelora,
Takkan ku gemuruh selagi ku ada kamu.
Di kala aku tak pasti,
Kau tampil dengan berani,
Membimbing agar lebih yakin,
Dan bila hidup penuh soalan,
Kau berikan jawapan,
Melengkap semua kekurangan...
Engkau menyambut tiap kali aku terjatuh,
Andai hari esok langit akan runtuh,
Tabahlah menjunjung bersamaku,
Andai hari esok dunia gelora,
Takkan ku gemuruh selagi ku ada kamu.
Tidak mungkin diri ini mampu,
Hidup tanpa doronganmu,
Andai hari esok langit akan runtuh,
Tabahlah menjunjung bersamaku,
Andai hari esok dunia gelora,
Takkan ku gemuruh selagi ku ada kamu.
;-)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
...Sungguh Tak Ku Sangka...
Hari ni, hari special sangat2...ntah kenape...
Mula2 camni citernyer...hari ni terpaksa stay kat rumah sebab contractors nak dtg buat some renovation for d ceiling...So tgh2 tunggu tu, I open my facebook yg agak lama tak dibukak...ye lah, internet down for one week! I dah naik crazy...!! So I took d time utk tgok2 lah my frens page...dari KK, KL, Australia, London, America...ramai lah...tetiber terbukak pula page sorang jejaka ni...someone yg saya minati sudah hampir 2 tahun...dia sememangnyer seorang jejaka yg perfect di mata I lah...
Tapi ntah lah...takde harapan untuk I nie...sape lah I...bukan taste dia...Tapi put aside tu story...I see on his profile & saw he update one of Ungu's Songs...one of the song from Ungu that I love so much...tak sangka nyer....dia pun minat gak dengar lagu Indon...hehehehe!
Well anyway, biar lah saya pun upload lagu tu kat sini...
To everyone who reads my blog...this song is for Y.O.U!! Sesaper jer lah kan... I tak kisah u saper, kenal atau tak, musuh ker kawan, benci atau sayang, tak suker ker suker, mengada ker tak mengada...ehem2... hanya untuk kamu...!!!
**Mode giler2 activated**
Ungu - Percaya Padaku
Aku tak tahu apa yang ku rasakan
Dalam hatiku saat pertama kali
Lihat dirimu, melihatmu
Seluruh tubuhku terpaku dan membisu
Detak jantungku berdebar tak menentu
Sepertinya aku tak ingin berlalu
Reff:
Berikan cintamu juga sayangmu
Percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
Hingga waktu menjemputku
Ku berikan cintaku juga sayangku
Percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
Hingga waktu menjemputku
Saat ku tahu kau akan pergi jauh
Izinkan aku tuk selalu menantimu
Untuk katakan ku ingin dirimu (ingin dirimu)
Agar kau tahu betapa ku terlalu
Mencintaimu aku akan menunggu
Hingga dirimu kembali untukku
Repeat reff
Tolonglah aku bagaimana diriku
Ungkapkan itu rasa yang membelenggu
Dalam hatiku ku cinta padamu
Repeat reff
Berikan cintamu juga sayangmu
Percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
Hingga waktu menjemputku
p/s : It's interesting to know that he loves this song too....hehehehe... ;) ...a crush...it's just a crush...
;)
Mula2 camni citernyer...hari ni terpaksa stay kat rumah sebab contractors nak dtg buat some renovation for d ceiling...So tgh2 tunggu tu, I open my facebook yg agak lama tak dibukak...ye lah, internet down for one week! I dah naik crazy...!! So I took d time utk tgok2 lah my frens page...dari KK, KL, Australia, London, America...ramai lah...tetiber terbukak pula page sorang jejaka ni...someone yg saya minati sudah hampir 2 tahun...dia sememangnyer seorang jejaka yg perfect di mata I lah...
Tapi ntah lah...takde harapan untuk I nie...sape lah I...bukan taste dia...Tapi put aside tu story...I see on his profile & saw he update one of Ungu's Songs...one of the song from Ungu that I love so much...tak sangka nyer....dia pun minat gak dengar lagu Indon...hehehehe!
Well anyway, biar lah saya pun upload lagu tu kat sini...
To everyone who reads my blog...this song is for Y.O.U!! Sesaper jer lah kan... I tak kisah u saper, kenal atau tak, musuh ker kawan, benci atau sayang, tak suker ker suker, mengada ker tak mengada...ehem2... hanya untuk kamu...!!!
**Mode giler2 activated**
Ungu - Percaya Padaku
Aku tak tahu apa yang ku rasakan
Dalam hatiku saat pertama kali
Lihat dirimu, melihatmu
Seluruh tubuhku terpaku dan membisu
Detak jantungku berdebar tak menentu
Sepertinya aku tak ingin berlalu
Reff:
Berikan cintamu juga sayangmu
Percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
Hingga waktu menjemputku
Ku berikan cintaku juga sayangku
Percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
Hingga waktu menjemputku
Saat ku tahu kau akan pergi jauh
Izinkan aku tuk selalu menantimu
Untuk katakan ku ingin dirimu (ingin dirimu)
Agar kau tahu betapa ku terlalu
Mencintaimu aku akan menunggu
Hingga dirimu kembali untukku
Repeat reff
Tolonglah aku bagaimana diriku
Ungkapkan itu rasa yang membelenggu
Dalam hatiku ku cinta padamu
Repeat reff
Berikan cintamu juga sayangmu
Percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
Hingga waktu menjemputku
p/s : It's interesting to know that he loves this song too....hehehehe... ;) ...a crush...it's just a crush...
;)
...Should I or Should I Not...
Who cares anyway...
I don't want to be bothered by anything...anymore...
Reminding you as you always knew, I would do...
You know what I want to say...Right?
Yeah I know....blah blah blah...I don't think u're listening to me...but you know how I feel...
I hope it's enough...from me to you...always...
I don't want to be bothered by anything...anymore...
Reminding you as you always knew, I would do...
You know what I want to say...Right?
Yeah I know....blah blah blah...I don't think u're listening to me...but you know how I feel...
I hope it's enough...from me to you...always...
Ruang Rindu...
Just love this song since I watched the Indonesian telenovela...quite some time ago...love it...it was quite difficult to find the song... ;)
Enjoy this...
Ruang Rindu - Letto
Dedaun yang ikut mengalir lembut
Terbawa sungai ke ujung mata
Dan aku mulai takut terbawa cinta
Menghirup rindu yang sesakkan dada
Jalanku hampa dan kusentuh dia
Terasa hangat oh didalam hati
Kupegang erat dan kuhalangi waktu
Tak urung jua kulihatnya pergi
Tak pernah kuragu dan slalu kuingat
Kerlingan matamu dan sentuhan hangat
Ku saat itu takut mencari makna
Tumbuhkan rasa yg sesakkan dada
Chorus 2x:
Kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja
Semua kutrima apa adanya
Mata terpejam dan hati menggumam
Di ruang rindu kita bertemu
Bertemu
Kau tau....
..............Di Ruang Rindu, Kita Bertemu....................
Enjoy this...
Ruang Rindu - Letto
Dedaun yang ikut mengalir lembut
Terbawa sungai ke ujung mata
Dan aku mulai takut terbawa cinta
Menghirup rindu yang sesakkan dada
Jalanku hampa dan kusentuh dia
Terasa hangat oh didalam hati
Kupegang erat dan kuhalangi waktu
Tak urung jua kulihatnya pergi
Tak pernah kuragu dan slalu kuingat
Kerlingan matamu dan sentuhan hangat
Ku saat itu takut mencari makna
Tumbuhkan rasa yg sesakkan dada
Chorus 2x:
Kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja
Semua kutrima apa adanya
Mata terpejam dan hati menggumam
Di ruang rindu kita bertemu
Bertemu
Kau tau....
..............Di Ruang Rindu, Kita Bertemu....................
Songs of Our Lives...
Since the beginning, from my earliest childhood fond memories...I love music...I love songs...& ultimately I found my so called talent...singing & playing music (literally lah..hehe)
My hero (my late dad)...enrolled me to play organs...which actually I was more keen on playing the piano or guitar...well, I was just a mere 6 yrs old little girl whom dreams so high to become 'somebody' in this life...more like, finding the purpose of my life...
I'm not sure why, but deep down since I was a little girl, I was pretty damn sure I'm going to be a superstar...playing music in front of people...entertaining people in music industry...well that thing didn't actually came true...look where I am now...working in the banking & finance industry which really took my exciting life for almost 7yrs now...damn that is long! It feels just like in a long term relationship...but what's the best thing came out of it? I look at myself...What did I accomplished? Have I found the IT of my life...?
7 yrs ago, when I got my job, I was like so proud of myself..working in a bank! Yeay! Big $$! Security! Excitement! Fun! Arrogant! Selfish! Too Proud...now here I am, feeling rather hopeless...someone ask me about my pay..."How's your pay at the moment? It must be at least RM*K...right? That's great!"
How I wish they knew...money is not everything...I must say I have pretty okay life after my upside twirl & twisted life for about 5 - 6 yrs ago...where debt here & there....unmanageable finance & stretched budget...
If I see where I am now...yes, there is good coming out of it...but there is a price to pay...I lost my Dad, I lost my best friend, I lost trust, I lost a lot of things...but most of all, I lose my faith...I felt lost in believing in myself...
How am I going to stand up again...after the bumps & confusing windy road I have took? Can I have the great life I used to have again? I want to fight for my happiness & believing in myself again...have faith in God more...
I'm not someone whom can be strong to face the obstacles I face down the road...I always need constant guidance...but not the bossy, bully or whining kind of way...I need a proper suitable guidance...
How I wish I could get it back....
I know there's gotta be more to this life I'm in...How am I going to find it...? What I should do...? I'm going on my 30s...& I don't think this life is enough for me...I want to do something that kept me going...something I passionate about & not the ones I'm settling right now...not the thing I content or comforting for me...I need more, I want more to this life...
Stacie Orrico (There's Gotta Be) More To Life
Yea, yea
Oh ohh, yeaaa
I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more
I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
I'm wanting more.....
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life....life..
ohh...more to life..life..theres gotta be more to life...
ohh...more to life....theres gotta be more to life...ohhh
P/S: I wish I could find it...I know God has other plans for me...not this...
My hero (my late dad)...enrolled me to play organs...which actually I was more keen on playing the piano or guitar...well, I was just a mere 6 yrs old little girl whom dreams so high to become 'somebody' in this life...more like, finding the purpose of my life...
I'm not sure why, but deep down since I was a little girl, I was pretty damn sure I'm going to be a superstar...playing music in front of people...entertaining people in music industry...well that thing didn't actually came true...look where I am now...working in the banking & finance industry which really took my exciting life for almost 7yrs now...damn that is long! It feels just like in a long term relationship...but what's the best thing came out of it? I look at myself...What did I accomplished? Have I found the IT of my life...?
7 yrs ago, when I got my job, I was like so proud of myself..working in a bank! Yeay! Big $$! Security! Excitement! Fun! Arrogant! Selfish! Too Proud...now here I am, feeling rather hopeless...someone ask me about my pay..."How's your pay at the moment? It must be at least RM*K...right? That's great!"
How I wish they knew...money is not everything...I must say I have pretty okay life after my upside twirl & twisted life for about 5 - 6 yrs ago...where debt here & there....unmanageable finance & stretched budget...
If I see where I am now...yes, there is good coming out of it...but there is a price to pay...I lost my Dad, I lost my best friend, I lost trust, I lost a lot of things...but most of all, I lose my faith...I felt lost in believing in myself...
How am I going to stand up again...after the bumps & confusing windy road I have took? Can I have the great life I used to have again? I want to fight for my happiness & believing in myself again...have faith in God more...
I'm not someone whom can be strong to face the obstacles I face down the road...I always need constant guidance...but not the bossy, bully or whining kind of way...I need a proper suitable guidance...
How I wish I could get it back....
I know there's gotta be more to this life I'm in...How am I going to find it...? What I should do...? I'm going on my 30s...& I don't think this life is enough for me...I want to do something that kept me going...something I passionate about & not the ones I'm settling right now...not the thing I content or comforting for me...I need more, I want more to this life...
Stacie Orrico (There's Gotta Be) More To Life
Yea, yea
Oh ohh, yeaaa
I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more
I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
I'm wanting more.....
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life....life..
ohh...more to life..life..theres gotta be more to life...
ohh...more to life....theres gotta be more to life...ohhh
P/S: I wish I could find it...I know God has other plans for me...not this...
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Bahagia...
Kadang2 kita harap orang akan bole terima kita seadanya...tidak kira sempurna ataupun tidak....
Kalau dilihat dari mata kasar, mungkin kehadiran kita hanya menyusahkan...tapi sebenarnya, diri ini cuma ingin lihat kebahagiaan kamu tercapai & hanya berdoa yg terbaik...untuk kamu....
Buka hati untuk mempercayai....tutup buku pada yg keruh....
Mulakan hidup yg baru...
Bersama-sama....
Kalau dilihat dari mata kasar, mungkin kehadiran kita hanya menyusahkan...tapi sebenarnya, diri ini cuma ingin lihat kebahagiaan kamu tercapai & hanya berdoa yg terbaik...untuk kamu....
Buka hati untuk mempercayai....tutup buku pada yg keruh....
Mulakan hidup yg baru...
Bersama-sama....
I miss Him...
I miss my dad...
Yesterday...I felt so sick, I lied on my bed, suddenly he across my mind...I felt so low...lots of stuff & dilemma & drama happening in my life right now...
About a year plus had passed, I still remember the memories vividly...I just wish I could see him in my dreams again...
Dad...I love you & how I missed your laugh & your funny bits... You always know how to show your awesomeness...
Miss You Daddy...
Yesterday...I felt so sick, I lied on my bed, suddenly he across my mind...I felt so low...lots of stuff & dilemma & drama happening in my life right now...
About a year plus had passed, I still remember the memories vividly...I just wish I could see him in my dreams again...
Dad...I love you & how I missed your laugh & your funny bits... You always know how to show your awesomeness...
Miss You Daddy...
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Way I Feel
If I act the way I do...& they don't like it, leave me...you have the option, a choice, a chance to let go of me.....
So let go!!!!! I hate everytime this starts!!!!
Sometimes I wish I'm totally alone...away from here...from everyone!!!
Death becomes her...!!!
Death becomes me....!!!
Now I look myself in the mirror & I feel I became someone I hate!!!
Feel it's more pain & misery...!! Hurt more!!! Because I care more!
If I had money in the world, I would run away frm here...
And start my life...
So let go!!!!! I hate everytime this starts!!!!
Sometimes I wish I'm totally alone...away from here...from everyone!!!
Death becomes her...!!!
Death becomes me....!!!
Now I look myself in the mirror & I feel I became someone I hate!!!
Feel it's more pain & misery...!! Hurt more!!! Because I care more!
If I had money in the world, I would run away frm here...
And start my life...
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sweet & Happy...
It's a sweet thing that happened & I'm living the happiest moment of my life....
Greatest time of my life
Cilla
Greatest time of my life
Cilla
I Hurt My Best Friend...
I hurt my best friend yesterday...I made her cry...I was so angry with the things she said, I started to stressed up my voice to her...
All I can say is... Mum, sorry...I didn't mean to do that to you...But I'm matured enough to realize what's best for me...I've changed...& u know that...
I love you more than anything in this world...
Sorry
Cilla
All I can say is... Mum, sorry...I didn't mean to do that to you...But I'm matured enough to realize what's best for me...I've changed...& u know that...
I love you more than anything in this world...
Sorry
Cilla
Too Personal...
When things gets too personal in my entry, that is when people started to condemn you in everything were said, & most of them begin to hurt you on the way they elaborate the twisted stories & assume that I'm living a fabulous life...
When I'm happy....people said 'Oh, she forget about her family in KK...it's now all about her life in KL...'
When I'm depressed, stress out & in pain here, 'Oh...you're miserable there, come back here...if u near to ur family, u'll always be happy & safe...nobody is going to hurt u...'
So....what is right for me?! I don't get it....I don't understand...! Why all these things people will just find ways to hurt me?!
I'm tired of people telling me what to do...! Seriously, I'm 29 almost 30! I want to decide my own...! What's best for me...I don't need them to tell me...I just need a simple guidance...
But at the end of the day, I put myself to blame...coz when I wrote something, & it's too personal, people start to 'advice' me things to do...
Ah well....que sera sera, whatever will be, will be....
Cilla
When I'm happy....people said 'Oh, she forget about her family in KK...it's now all about her life in KL...'
When I'm depressed, stress out & in pain here, 'Oh...you're miserable there, come back here...if u near to ur family, u'll always be happy & safe...nobody is going to hurt u...'
So....what is right for me?! I don't get it....I don't understand...! Why all these things people will just find ways to hurt me?!
I'm tired of people telling me what to do...! Seriously, I'm 29 almost 30! I want to decide my own...! What's best for me...I don't need them to tell me...I just need a simple guidance...
But at the end of the day, I put myself to blame...coz when I wrote something, & it's too personal, people start to 'advice' me things to do...
Ah well....que sera sera, whatever will be, will be....
Cilla
Monday, May 30, 2011
Get It Right
When I first time heard this song the other day, it reminded me about my own life...I cried the first time I heard it...
I cried a lot these days...thinking & wondering if I have done the right thing or just messing up with this complicated life...I thought I make a difference & help them, but it all turns out to be backfired to me...
I don't meant any harm, I just wanted to be there for someone...whom have helped me so much...a little gesture, goes a long way... I pray for every great things for everyone...
God Bless & enjoy this song...understand the lyrics...
Get It Right - Glee
What have I done
Wish I could run
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help
Hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world
Is on my shoulders
What can you do
When your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh how many times will it take
For me to get it right
To get it right
Can I start again
With my faith shaken
Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this
What can you do
When your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh how many times will it take
For me to get it right
So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air and
Accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah I'll send out a wish
Yeah I'll send up a prayer
And finally someone will see
How much I care
What can you do
When your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Oh my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
Just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh, how many times will it take
To get it right, to get it right
I cried a lot these days...thinking & wondering if I have done the right thing or just messing up with this complicated life...I thought I make a difference & help them, but it all turns out to be backfired to me...
I don't meant any harm, I just wanted to be there for someone...whom have helped me so much...a little gesture, goes a long way... I pray for every great things for everyone...
God Bless & enjoy this song...understand the lyrics...
Get It Right - Glee
What have I done
Wish I could run
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help
Hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world
Is on my shoulders
What can you do
When your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh how many times will it take
For me to get it right
To get it right
Can I start again
With my faith shaken
Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this
What can you do
When your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh how many times will it take
For me to get it right
So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air and
Accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah I'll send out a wish
Yeah I'll send up a prayer
And finally someone will see
How much I care
What can you do
When your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Oh my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
Just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh, how many times will it take
To get it right, to get it right
Value Of Time
31 December 2010
I wrote these word not so long ago....I dedicate this to life of appreciation...
At this point of my age reaching to the world of 3 series...
I am fortunate to get to know some new, great people...
Though some end up & left in hurtful, & vengeful ways...
And some just goes off without any words to say...
I have to always remind myself to learn to accept things that had happened, either good or bad....
Know this...
To realize something which are valuable to you is when you lose one...
So, learn to appreciate the things or people that you cared & loved from now on...
it is never too late to realize only until it's gone...
I lost my Dad..it hit me rock bottom and my life was so fucking messed up...
I cried everyday & sleepless night for 2 mths...
I was trying to be strong for my mum...
But I was too weak...I broke my promise...
I wasn't myself completely
and then someone...
a stranger I barely knew...
help me to go through that hurtful fact that I will never gonna be able to see my Dad again...
Comforting my loss...
a stranger that become a good friend of mine...
Was a very great friend indeed...
Whom would have thought this could happen...
I owe it to her...forever...
And now...
Never thought it's gonna be this way...
When I thought everything was okay...
Never thought it's gonna be this hard...
'Appreciate' is the key...
Coz we'll never know what lies on our future that God holds for us...
Only until we say to ourselves..."What If.." or "If Only I Knew..." then we realize time never waits for us...
Don't regret on things in the past...
Learn to forgive those who have done wrong to us...
Learn to accept we human are all the same...
But the things that makes us different is how we are mentally, emotionally & physically strong in facing life difficulties...
It's okay if you stumble, it's okay to fall, it's okay if you're hurt...
But always learn to be strong, strive to survive & learn from our mistakes...
Learn to turn ourselves around to lead a positive life...
God never say life is easy...there's always obstacles and bumps on our journey...
Put our faith in God first before others...
Pray...pray is the key...
Just close your eyes & pray...
Whatever it is, we are all sinners...
I'm not perfect.....so are you....
Living is about learning values of life...
And share life experiences...
And this is a message I sent to remind you that whatever future holds for us,
you're one of my greatest fren that I appreciate in my life...
And I value your existence in my circle...
Thanks for valuable time that we shared...and for the memories...
I love the value of life...
And here I want to share it with you...
In learning to recognise values of our life...
For whatever the future holds for you & me...
We maybe separated by the ocean or by a cause...
And we lead on separate ways...
I....
Will always have silent prayers for you...
Just like a family...
You have touched my heart, you will always be in my prayers & love...
And my tears of fear, sadness & happiness to see everyone's life is cherish & wonder...
Take care always...
Just me,
Cilla
I wrote these word not so long ago....I dedicate this to life of appreciation...
At this point of my age reaching to the world of 3 series...
I am fortunate to get to know some new, great people...
Though some end up & left in hurtful, & vengeful ways...
And some just goes off without any words to say...
I have to always remind myself to learn to accept things that had happened, either good or bad....
Know this...
To realize something which are valuable to you is when you lose one...
So, learn to appreciate the things or people that you cared & loved from now on...
it is never too late to realize only until it's gone...
I lost my Dad..it hit me rock bottom and my life was so fucking messed up...
I cried everyday & sleepless night for 2 mths...
I was trying to be strong for my mum...
But I was too weak...I broke my promise...
I wasn't myself completely
and then someone...
a stranger I barely knew...
help me to go through that hurtful fact that I will never gonna be able to see my Dad again...
Comforting my loss...
a stranger that become a good friend of mine...
Was a very great friend indeed...
Whom would have thought this could happen...
I owe it to her...forever...
And now...
Never thought it's gonna be this way...
When I thought everything was okay...
Never thought it's gonna be this hard...
'Appreciate' is the key...
Coz we'll never know what lies on our future that God holds for us...
Only until we say to ourselves..."What If.." or "If Only I Knew..." then we realize time never waits for us...
Don't regret on things in the past...
Learn to forgive those who have done wrong to us...
Learn to accept we human are all the same...
But the things that makes us different is how we are mentally, emotionally & physically strong in facing life difficulties...
It's okay if you stumble, it's okay to fall, it's okay if you're hurt...
But always learn to be strong, strive to survive & learn from our mistakes...
Learn to turn ourselves around to lead a positive life...
God never say life is easy...there's always obstacles and bumps on our journey...
Put our faith in God first before others...
Pray...pray is the key...
Just close your eyes & pray...
Whatever it is, we are all sinners...
I'm not perfect.....so are you....
Living is about learning values of life...
And share life experiences...
And this is a message I sent to remind you that whatever future holds for us,
you're one of my greatest fren that I appreciate in my life...
And I value your existence in my circle...
Thanks for valuable time that we shared...and for the memories...
I love the value of life...
And here I want to share it with you...
In learning to recognise values of our life...
For whatever the future holds for you & me...
We maybe separated by the ocean or by a cause...
And we lead on separate ways...
I....
Will always have silent prayers for you...
Just like a family...
You have touched my heart, you will always be in my prayers & love...
And my tears of fear, sadness & happiness to see everyone's life is cherish & wonder...
Take care always...
Just me,
Cilla
Monday, March 21, 2011
Finally Home
Tribute for my dad.
Daddy, This song is for you. I hope u would be proud of me & I pray that u will guide me in my life to better person.
I miss u dad. I really do.
Ur daughter,
P.A.J.S
The Memorial Service & The Dilemma
Last nite, my family held a year memorial service for my late dad...
It's just feel like yesterday that he was still here with us. I really miss him alot. I didn't get to say anything to him the night before he left us. I remembered it clearly that he doesn't feel like talking to me that night. Maybe it was difficult for him. And he knew how much harder to leave listening to my voice. My dad, the man I knew, was a very silent type of person. He don't normally talk about his feelings or talks to me directly if he have any uncertainty. He would just prefer talking to my mum. After he left us, there were some things in my heart that kept me feeling guilty until now. The things that I knew hurt & disappoints him.
How could I ever forgive myself? I still blame myself for not being around my family, when I'm far away here in KL. Leaving my mum alone in KK. And my bro. I love my family. So so much. But somehow, I'm still torn between staying in KL or KK.
It's not that my life is so bad in KL. I have a good, struggled life there. Where as in KK, I know I could cut half of my burden in KL.
I can live with my struggle to live in KL. I can live in KK leaving my so called fantastic life in KL. I know I can be happy to wherever I be. As long as I know how & learn to survive.
I don't feel burden that much anymore. When I'm in KL, I have so many wonderful & fantastic friends that have loved me & guide me to be strong, to be focus on my goals & support me thru thick & thin.
When I'm in KK, I know I'm stronger with my family around me & I will be fine. But why am I feeling like I'm finding reasons to stay in KL?
Aaarggh! How I wish I could find the answer. I promise my mum & my family, this is my last year in KL. But why am I not happy?
Daddy, if you could hear me. Give me some sign to what I should do. Should I choose my decision for my family? Or for myself?
Finding answers
It's just feel like yesterday that he was still here with us. I really miss him alot. I didn't get to say anything to him the night before he left us. I remembered it clearly that he doesn't feel like talking to me that night. Maybe it was difficult for him. And he knew how much harder to leave listening to my voice. My dad, the man I knew, was a very silent type of person. He don't normally talk about his feelings or talks to me directly if he have any uncertainty. He would just prefer talking to my mum. After he left us, there were some things in my heart that kept me feeling guilty until now. The things that I knew hurt & disappoints him.
How could I ever forgive myself? I still blame myself for not being around my family, when I'm far away here in KL. Leaving my mum alone in KK. And my bro. I love my family. So so much. But somehow, I'm still torn between staying in KL or KK.
It's not that my life is so bad in KL. I have a good, struggled life there. Where as in KK, I know I could cut half of my burden in KL.
I can live with my struggle to live in KL. I can live in KK leaving my so called fantastic life in KL. I know I can be happy to wherever I be. As long as I know how & learn to survive.
I don't feel burden that much anymore. When I'm in KL, I have so many wonderful & fantastic friends that have loved me & guide me to be strong, to be focus on my goals & support me thru thick & thin.
When I'm in KK, I know I'm stronger with my family around me & I will be fine. But why am I feeling like I'm finding reasons to stay in KL?
Aaarggh! How I wish I could find the answer. I promise my mum & my family, this is my last year in KL. But why am I not happy?
Daddy, if you could hear me. Give me some sign to what I should do. Should I choose my decision for my family? Or for myself?
Finding answers
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
My Immortal
It's the perfect ending for the journey...
MY IMMORTAL
I'm so tired of being here,
suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me
MY IMMORTAL
I'm so tired of being here,
suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me
One Last Cry...
It's been awhile since my last entry. Well, my life wasn't turned out to be as smooth as it should be. Sometimes, we have to accept that, things can end eventually. Like it or not, doesn't matter. It's a question whether we really truly prepare ourselves on the unexpected.
There's a thing that I hold onto that I locked myself. Prisoned. A decade. Not a short time. Yesterday, a certain someone have given me the most powerful 'slap' that I get on my face after all that I have given & sacrifice just for that person. I'm not gonna dish out the entire scenario & the series of unfortunate events that have left me for who I am today. What I saw, what I hear & what I feel sum up my story.
It is a wonderful story abt being a True Friend. Somehow, how I wish God make me a better person to forgive & forget about the suffer, the neglection, the hurt, frustration, anger, dissappointments & most of all, REGRET the things I did believing on true friendship.
You dunno what your friend's agenda until you realise you were just played & fooled & being used for his/her benefit. And when things turns worse & sour, you were told of & their family accused you for being the bad, no manners, disrespectful of the older generation.
I have doubts & questions playing inside my head, asking myself, what went terribly wrong? what have I done to deserve this kind of serious pain? Was I bad? Did I say something awful to people? Have I been offensive with my words? Am I cruel? Everytime I popped all these question, I turned to God & ask for His pardon as I should not dare to demand of Him for answers on all things that I have been thru now..I should feel grateful that He shown me how cruel life can be when you know that you never done anything to hurt people but it seems that everyone judging you from what they see from the outside & don't even to care about the inside emotional ride you been thru & they think that what they did or say was so damn right.
Since I was a litle girl, everyone who knows me, knew that I was this shy & timid girl who needs mummy & daddy deep care & affection & I was among my family & relative were known as the 'weak' one & manja...
All the innocent personality that I have, flashback & runs thru my veins in my head & mind whenever people accused me of being so 'evil' to a certain person. How I wish they knew...
The reason I wrote this is to remind myself, how lucky I am to have the CHOICE to make a difference in my life. I have been blindfolded & stupidly being so naive in helping problematic people & giving them a reason to be happy but yet, it was all backfired to my naked face & I was humiliated.
I want it to be the last. One last cry. Misery. Pain. Anger. No more. Let me be free. You told me that you're missing me. I ask myself, which part? Well, guess what? There's no room for our 'sanctuary' anymore.
I don't believe in true friendship. And I don't believe in you. Anymore. Chances? I used to give you. All the time. But now, there's no room for making mistakes. The room filled with filthy memories, hurt, frustration, anger, vengeance, fear & suffer. Its getting vague. Soon it's gonnabe vanished. And I will stop it. End it. Locked the filthy door. God says, a closed door, opens a window. For a better you & me.
I hold ur hands during the dark times of your life,
I dried all your tears,
Face your fears,
It wasn't once or twice,
You walk thru darkness all your life,
I shown you light of God's grace.
Guide you to gratefulness.
You tainted it so many times,
I lost counts of the betrayal, dishonesty & the freakish things you did,
The many things them who don't know the past,
Them who don't know the current,
Judging from the other side,
I was astonished to disbelieve,
I had to end the misery,
You said I make you,
You told them I scared you,
The twisted stories, your twisted mind,
Only us holds the truth,
Well you know what?
After the darkness & the storm,
somehow you see some other people shown you a better light & promises,
As if I have overcome & took control of your world,
So it be,
I let you walk,
They told me, Let Go...
To separate road,
My path...
I am weak. I cried. I lost. But.
Thank you for the memories & I learn the most important lesson.
There's a thing that I hold onto that I locked myself. Prisoned. A decade. Not a short time. Yesterday, a certain someone have given me the most powerful 'slap' that I get on my face after all that I have given & sacrifice just for that person. I'm not gonna dish out the entire scenario & the series of unfortunate events that have left me for who I am today. What I saw, what I hear & what I feel sum up my story.
It is a wonderful story abt being a True Friend. Somehow, how I wish God make me a better person to forgive & forget about the suffer, the neglection, the hurt, frustration, anger, dissappointments & most of all, REGRET the things I did believing on true friendship.
You dunno what your friend's agenda until you realise you were just played & fooled & being used for his/her benefit. And when things turns worse & sour, you were told of & their family accused you for being the bad, no manners, disrespectful of the older generation.
I have doubts & questions playing inside my head, asking myself, what went terribly wrong? what have I done to deserve this kind of serious pain? Was I bad? Did I say something awful to people? Have I been offensive with my words? Am I cruel? Everytime I popped all these question, I turned to God & ask for His pardon as I should not dare to demand of Him for answers on all things that I have been thru now..I should feel grateful that He shown me how cruel life can be when you know that you never done anything to hurt people but it seems that everyone judging you from what they see from the outside & don't even to care about the inside emotional ride you been thru & they think that what they did or say was so damn right.
Since I was a litle girl, everyone who knows me, knew that I was this shy & timid girl who needs mummy & daddy deep care & affection & I was among my family & relative were known as the 'weak' one & manja...
All the innocent personality that I have, flashback & runs thru my veins in my head & mind whenever people accused me of being so 'evil' to a certain person. How I wish they knew...
The reason I wrote this is to remind myself, how lucky I am to have the CHOICE to make a difference in my life. I have been blindfolded & stupidly being so naive in helping problematic people & giving them a reason to be happy but yet, it was all backfired to my naked face & I was humiliated.
I want it to be the last. One last cry. Misery. Pain. Anger. No more. Let me be free. You told me that you're missing me. I ask myself, which part? Well, guess what? There's no room for our 'sanctuary' anymore.
I don't believe in true friendship. And I don't believe in you. Anymore. Chances? I used to give you. All the time. But now, there's no room for making mistakes. The room filled with filthy memories, hurt, frustration, anger, vengeance, fear & suffer. Its getting vague. Soon it's gonnabe vanished. And I will stop it. End it. Locked the filthy door. God says, a closed door, opens a window. For a better you & me.
I hold ur hands during the dark times of your life,
I dried all your tears,
Face your fears,
It wasn't once or twice,
You walk thru darkness all your life,
I shown you light of God's grace.
Guide you to gratefulness.
You tainted it so many times,
I lost counts of the betrayal, dishonesty & the freakish things you did,
The many things them who don't know the past,
Them who don't know the current,
Judging from the other side,
I was astonished to disbelieve,
I had to end the misery,
You said I make you,
You told them I scared you,
The twisted stories, your twisted mind,
Only us holds the truth,
Well you know what?
After the darkness & the storm,
somehow you see some other people shown you a better light & promises,
As if I have overcome & took control of your world,
So it be,
I let you walk,
They told me, Let Go...
To separate road,
My path...
I am weak. I cried. I lost. But.
Thank you for the memories & I learn the most important lesson.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Waiting For The End...
When things gone terribly wrong, the thing that you hold up to the most...the things that u have sacrifice almost ur entire believe, time, effort & life...& at the end...you somehow never knew the time would come before you...everything will crash into pieces & break your heart in total shattered, crushed & you realise that you have done EVERYTHING to make it work but HOPELESS...
I guess when I thought what I truly believe can be realise & can come true...I didn't notice the broken pieces of my heart & all the trouble & mess I've gone thru was not up EQUALLY to the things & suffer I face right now...& the damaged was ultimately & clearly have reach above the limit & no good deeds or any other things could fix what have long been broken & healing was not an option anymore but to leave...
I'm 'leaving'...this broken heart will 'leave' & start a new era of her life...it is not easy nor it's simple nor it's great...but at least, I start a new life & I create my own unique history that I would be proud of...& my family will be satisfied...
I have broken my family's heart especially my mum & my late dad...it's never too late to change...I hope & I pray that God will be beside me to go thru it...
"God...guide me..."
Whatever it is, let me see the sign of your silence pardon & strength for me...
I pray
This song hit deeply in my heart & it crushed me as if I'm singing my life off...
Enjoy...
WAITING FOR THE END
This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear.
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control....
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go...
(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last,
I wish it wasn't so...
(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending Is starting again!!
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what i haven't got...
This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violet rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
(Holding on to what i haven't got)
We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear
(Holding on to what i haven't got!)
I guess when I thought what I truly believe can be realise & can come true...I didn't notice the broken pieces of my heart & all the trouble & mess I've gone thru was not up EQUALLY to the things & suffer I face right now...& the damaged was ultimately & clearly have reach above the limit & no good deeds or any other things could fix what have long been broken & healing was not an option anymore but to leave...
I'm 'leaving'...this broken heart will 'leave' & start a new era of her life...it is not easy nor it's simple nor it's great...but at least, I start a new life & I create my own unique history that I would be proud of...& my family will be satisfied...
I have broken my family's heart especially my mum & my late dad...it's never too late to change...I hope & I pray that God will be beside me to go thru it...
"God...guide me..."
Whatever it is, let me see the sign of your silence pardon & strength for me...
I pray
This song hit deeply in my heart & it crushed me as if I'm singing my life off...
Enjoy...
WAITING FOR THE END
This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear.
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control....
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go...
(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last,
I wish it wasn't so...
(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending Is starting again!!
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what i haven't got...
This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violet rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
(Holding on to what i haven't got)
We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear
(Holding on to what i haven't got!)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
If They Say...
If sumone says sumthing bad abt me,
I will kept quiet...
If sumone says sumthing -ve abt me,
I will juz ignore it...
If sumone thinks I'm crazy,
I let them be....
Because watever it is...in the end,
I just do watever makes me happy...
My emotion more important than them
Whatever I do, I juz make my decision for what I believe in...
Coz at least if I fail or brokedown,
I know I have done my best...
This is me
I will kept quiet...
If sumone says sumthing -ve abt me,
I will juz ignore it...
If sumone thinks I'm crazy,
I let them be....
Because watever it is...in the end,
I just do watever makes me happy...
My emotion more important than them
Whatever I do, I juz make my decision for what I believe in...
Coz at least if I fail or brokedown,
I know I have done my best...
This is me
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
A Special Song...Sungai Lui
I fell in love with this song...coz I heard it so many times, I learn to enjoy listening to it...Love it...very touchy song...Enjoy!
Sungai Lui
Pejamkan matamu untukku
Dengarlah dunia berkata-kata
Usah kau ragu di sini tempatmu
Walau berubah di mata kita tetap indah
Selagi kau masih percaya
Ketawa kecewa terpisah
Jalan yang lurus kian berhalang
Adakah semua ini yang ku inginkan
Ataupun hanya mengejar dunia semata-mata
Ku harap ku masih percaya
Adakah semua ini yang ku inginkan
Ataupun hanya mengejar dunia semata-mata
Ku harap kau masih percaya
Buka matamu
Biar aku memelukmu
Kita bersama masih muda masih mentah
Ku harap kau masih percaya
Selama ini selama ini
Selama ini selama ini
Selama ini selama ini
Selama ini
Sungai Lui
Pejamkan matamu untukku
Dengarlah dunia berkata-kata
Usah kau ragu di sini tempatmu
Walau berubah di mata kita tetap indah
Selagi kau masih percaya
Ketawa kecewa terpisah
Jalan yang lurus kian berhalang
Adakah semua ini yang ku inginkan
Ataupun hanya mengejar dunia semata-mata
Ku harap ku masih percaya
Adakah semua ini yang ku inginkan
Ataupun hanya mengejar dunia semata-mata
Ku harap kau masih percaya
Buka matamu
Biar aku memelukmu
Kita bersama masih muda masih mentah
Ku harap kau masih percaya
Selama ini selama ini
Selama ini selama ini
Selama ini selama ini
Selama ini
Crying...
I saw u 'crying' today...I hope I was there enuff to comfort u in my own unique way...I miss everything!! Damn...if only u knew how tough it was for me...
U promised me...
I too will promise to cherish u...
U know I want u to be happy...It's all I ever wanted...
H.A.P.P.Y
U promised me...
I too will promise to cherish u...
U know I want u to be happy...It's all I ever wanted...
H.A.P.P.Y
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