Can I Really Be Happy?

My Life is not d way that I wanted it to be right now... Why? I really can't say... My life had remarkably changed this couple of months...Ever since I had a taste of how socialising is, my life seems to have full of surprises, conflicts, dilemma, fun & suffer all at one time...I hate socializing to be honest..I don't like mix around with people, quite a loner myself and just love to hang out with my old friends and loving family...where my heart really feel at ease....

Socializing to common ppl is a common thing...purpose? Networking? Friendship?Love Maybe?

But after a while, I find it rather difficult, when u have a big group of different colors and characters of ppl hanging with you, automatically u will find urself 'faking' & u become someone else rather than just being true to urself...it's true and honest fact, to please these group of ppl, we intend and try impress them, in a way hoping that they accept us in their group...this is reality, no doubt abt it, if ppl deny this statement, u r in denial...we can't be ourselves in front of ppl that we barely knew or just started to hangout with, off course at certain degree we hide our 'weaknesses' and just entertain them with our best 'shot'...! And the truth is, by doing that, I realise I did not feel any happiness at all! In fact, it really bugs me and disturb my life! My way of thinking...!

U have to control certain level of fun, behaviour, ethic, morale & trusting these ppl around you...and at the end, what do we get from all these two faces creatures? Heartache, hatred, envy, jealousy, friends hurtful accusations, war? And somehow, u end up hurting ur own self...

I kinda hate all the dumb, stupid & ridiculous things that happened...
I had become a constant victim for all things...
Great things become the Worst thing...
Lost & Found of A Friendship,
In & Out of love,
Dramas...dramas...dramas...
The bitter & sweet of words of friends...

I wanted out from all these,

Why can't I lead a normal life again? The normal life before all these began...I wanted that life!

I feel like I wanted to be alone and enjoy my own quality time with ppl who won't make my heartburn...

With no one burdens me with sickening tough behaviour,

Juz to be at ease...For all those thing that happened, it can be a blessing in disguise I guess...

And most of the ppl who knows me inside out...
They will know how much I hate all this mess and they know what I'm talking abt here...

Can we just Live in Peace or do we have to wait for 'Rest in Peace' to come in order to feel true calmness?


I need a break