A Night To Remember...

I wanted to blog everyday...but I missed out one day coz of shits that happens to me & I was home away...

Thursday was a bad day for me...to begin with...but ends with a memory...of you...

Some things happens for a reason...that morning arguement was surely reach my limit...I have no one to turn to...I felt so miserable...I dun want to depend on some people that I have troubled so much...

I let myself decide what's the best way for me to handle my misery...

Simple...find some entertainment...that's what I previously did last time I had issues...What I did was to divert my reach to the limit feelings of fed up, tired and I had enough of trouble from you...to the next level!!

You purposely find things just to hurt me since the week before, I need to walk away...! And that's what I did...pack my bags...& storm out!

I wanted to be alone...I need to get a peace of my mind...

I had great talk & dinner with a friend of mine...quite worried abt me..
*dun worry, I feel great that night... & I tak dijual pun kat Chow Kit...haha! No need to worry to pick me up ;p*

...wandering in KL...well, I was waiting for him...after he fetch me up...went to Finnegan's & have drinks & partying with his friends...it turn out to be a very great night outing...did some joyride around Klang Valley...well I'm glad that I'm okay now...

I wanted to do something different...that was quite scary kinda thing to do but...all good beb! Lucky me!

And that night...I realised something... I found out that;

Men will always be men...

Men are sweet talker...
Men are so unpredictable...
Men can be complicated sometimes...
Men have high sensitivity too...

Well, it was a crazy night...I was damned tired & sore when I go in for work on Friday morning...but I managed to control it... put up my face to a professional cute level hahaha...some friends who's worried sick abt me was relief to find me going to the office...hahaha I know it's crazy...but what else to do right?

Maybe I'm too old for all this already... hehehe...all night out...penattssss!

But after what I did, it makes someone misses me more..and appreciate me when I came back...I hope u learn from my disappearance...

Coz u know what? I certainly get what I want that night... ;)
Freedom...Freedom...Freedom...!!!!


Once A Night Crawler

Being Naive...& Blogging...

There were lots of people who knows me very well...Some new friends, some old friends...

But what really caught my attention is...when these people says that I am naive person...I think its true...yes no doubt abt it....

Not naive...but I think I am someone who do not want to see the bad side of a person...and I try to see the best of them...understand what I mean...?
Simple...I look for what I like & enjoy abt them...and then accepting them in my life...yeah in a way...naive or ppl always says I am miss goody two shoes...

I trust people easily, whatever they say, whatever they do for me...I'm a person whom easily touched by someone's gesture...it's not difficult to please me...

Actually at this very moment, I dunno what to say really...I'm blogging as early as 6am...as juz now I had alot of things I wanna say... but got 'disturbing' comments from a friend...saying this & that abt me...my behaviour, blogging too much.. bla bla bla...get a life dear! Please dun mess with my life...! *Change topic please*

Being naive means I will expose myself to vulnerability and letting ppl see my innocence...I learn something new yesterday...but no further elaboration is needed...I try not to repeat that again...

Whatever it is, blogging is like my therapy...I can say whatever I want...speak my mind...but don't you think too much info expose will lead to something...okay...another lesson's learned...

I'm hating this feeling that I feel now...
Feel like I'm losing again...
I feel something is not right...
I felt like everything I do or think or say, always end up hurting ppl...

Gosh...why is this happening again...? I don't want this...

From now on, some secrets are meant to be kept for my own good... some can shared, some are mean to be secret forever...I gotta stop..!

I am thinking of changing something, my way... ;)

Naive Girl

Just Need To Let Out My Emotions...

Tonite...this wee hours of morning...I feel soooooooo happy!!! Hahahah..

You know why ler... ;)

I really wanna say that...I always love & enjoy talking to you dear...Since the start, I enjoyed it...Fun! Happy! Sharing! Laughing! Best moments....! Ye lah...for some ppl...this is terlebih emo...but who cares?! I'm feeling the best feeling in the world...! Wooohhoooo..!

You will always have that special place in my life.... gittuuu... *fuh best nyer ayatsss...haha* But sincerely dear...I mean it! Ahaks! ;)

That's what friends are for...

Thanks for the talks...I really need that! Hahaha!! Muaaahhhh.... ;)


Your krazey friend kata nyer... ;p

Ready To Rumbleeeee...!!! You Found Your Match...

Hmmm...I think someone found their match already...

Hahaha...Something weird happening right now...Just when we taught it was the end, there always new things to be discovered...and now this...hmmm...so so interesting...

I think I'm ready to see the rumbleeeeee...!!

Things supposed to be easy becomes like this...I dunno why ler..why ah? Some ppl just never want to let things go....and be happy...but for me...I know I can always put on my poker face...and smile...to everyone...! But why u wanna mess it up with lots of ppl?

Never show our sadness to other ppl & let ppl see our vulnerability...sooner or later they will use it to against u...so do you... ;)

Well...this is just damn interesting, u found ur match dear...! Maybe u mess with the the wrong person that is more rebellion now...last time it was with different type of ppl...now this...hmmm...I dun wanna get involved...

Gud Luck!


Rebel

Memori Cinta...

Saya ingin membawa satu kelainan...pada blog saya...hehehe...cuba2 lah nieh guna bahasa melayu...


Untuk beberapa hari ni, memang byk benda berlaku...benda baru, benda berulang...semua ada... Walaupun dalam jiwa saya ini byk kekalutan, perbalahan dan bergelut dgn masalah yg tidak pandai selesai...setiap kali sebelum saya melelapkan mata...saya akan cuba mengingati benda2 indah atau kenangan yg best2 gituu...dan salah satu ialah...memori cinta saya yg pertama...org ckp itu cinta monyet...cinta bangku sekolah...tapi untuk saya...itu cinta pertama yg abadi, tulus & penuh dengan liku2 perjalanan yg tak sudah walaupun Dia kini sudah lama dimiliki oleh yg lain...

Perkenalan kami bermula cuma kenal biasa2 saja...dari agensi pelancongan...kebetulan masa tu, keluarga saya merancang untuk ke Australia...dari saling bertukar telefon, saling bertanya kabar & berbual...kami mula rapat...tapi saya tidak pernah sangka, org seperti saya 'layak' untuk seseorang ingin memiliki...saya sedar diri saya siapa...tapi usia muda remaja...ingin mencuba...Dia menang dan berjaya menarik hati saya ke genggaman dia...Lamaran menjadi bulan dia, saya terima tanpa berfikir...walaupun dlm 2 purnama perkenalan...masih baru...tapi tidak apa...hati muda semua berani mencuba...

Disebabkan dia jauh, kami cuma berjumpa setiap dua minggu, kalau dia dapat turun...maklumlah...dia guru sandaran...kadang2 ada kerja lebih hari sabtu...Hubungan jarak jauh membantu untuk saya dan dia untuk merindui antara satu sama lain lebih mendalam lagi....bila berjumpa, memang saat yg paling manis...dan senyuman melonjak riang dlm hati saya terus ke dakapan dia...

Apa yg membuatkan saya tertarik dgn dia ialah sikap kematangan & semangat dia...seseorang yg mempunyai perasaan sensitif & tidak pernah jemu membuatkan saya ketawa dgn sikap dia yg bersahaja kalau mengambil hati saya setiap kali saya merajuk...al maklumlah...remaja okeh...layan benda2 gedikss remaja...walaupun saya amatlah bersifat tomboy masa itu...tapi cara dia melayani saya membuatkan saya lahirkan ciri2 & sifat2 keperempuanan yg ada dlm diri saya...Sikap dia yg terlalu menyayangi saya membuatkan saya susah untuk bernafas kalau dia tidak ada, kadang2 keliru, tidak tentu arah...tapi bila dia tinggalkan note pada saya setiap kali kami berjauhan...dan note2 itu lah meyakinkan cinta kami bukan cinta biasa...Kadang2 saya bersuara bertanya...ada apa dgn saya...walau skrg pun dia sudah dimiliki...jawapan dia masih sama seperti dulu... "Bcoz Love comes to me after you...You always be my angel...Mine..." Ntah kenapa saya tidak habiskan hidup saya dgn dia...Saya tahu itu keputusan saya sendiri...Kedegilan saya sendiri...Tidak mahu tapi sebenarnya mahu... tapi saya tidak boleh pentingkan diri...

Kenapa saya putuskan hubungan hebat ini dgn Dia...?

Nantikan update saya akan dtg...sambungan... end pt 1

Pentas Mula & Akhirnya...

Saya menulis cerita ini utk pengamatan semua...Berkisar mengenai sesuatu peristiwa... Selami...



Bermula kita mengenali di pentas
Kau adalah pewaris sementara
Satu perkenalan...satu perasaan
Menjadi lah teman

Dikait cerita
Tangis pun ada
Perit lagi lah terasa
Sama lah kita

Dua tiga pengembaraan
Aduh...peristiwa
Pernah kah disangka
Di sini akhirnya

Kan aku sulam memori
Sisa yg kita kongsi
Kalau Dia menjadi saksi
Doakan ini amatlah bererti

Cuba memahami
Apa yg bererti
Payah menyelubungi
Perkongsian tak dipeluangkan hati

Seperti biasa
Tak wujud sedia kala
Kau artis pejuang
Aku sentiasa anggapnya bertentang

Kalau disepak pipi kiri
Aku mampu bersedih
Namun diterajang pipi kanan
Malu & menyerah lah aku takdir

Ini doa
Ampun
Dilukai adalah aku
Jangan lah dilupai...teman

Di mana mula
Di situ akhir
Aku tersenyum kita bersua
Berjiwa lah kita atas pentas yg diukir...



Written By,
Cilla
25/10/2009

Cuba Fahami 'Ada Apa Dengan Cinta'...

I'm thinking about posting something different today...Here goes...

Apa yg bakal saya coretkan di sini... adalah cuba mencari nafas baru utk blog saya yg tidak lah seberapa hebat ini...Satu puisi yg diluahkan oleh Rangga dlm filem Ada Apa Dengan Cinta...

Cinta ada lah sesuatu yg sukar utk kita fahami...saya pun tidak terkecuali merasainya...ya, cinta memang indah...tapi pernah kah mudah utk memahami lagi puisi ini...


Puisi Rangga I

Kulari ke hutan kemudian teriakku
Kulari ke pantai kemudian menyanyiku
Sepi... sepi..dan sendiri aku benci
Aku mau bingar... aku mau di pasar
Bosan aku dengan penat
Dan enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika kusendiri... ...
Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai...
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh...
Aih... ada malaikat menyulam
Jarring laba laba belang di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tak goyangkan saja...Loncengnya...
Biar terdera
Atau aku harus lari ke pantai
Belok ke hutan... .



Puisi Rangga II

Perempuan datang atas nama cinta
Bunda pergi karena cinta
Digenangi air racun jingga adalah wajahmu
Seperti bulan lelap tidur di hatimu
yang berdinding kelam dan kedinginan
Ada apa dengannya
Meninggalkan hati untuk dicaci
Lalu sekali ini aku melihat karya surga
dari mata seorang hawa
Ada apa dengan cinta

Tapi aku pasti akan kembali
dalam satu purnama
untuk mempertanyakan kembali cintanya..

Bukan untuknya, bukan untuk siapa
Tapi untukku
Karena aku ingin kamu
Itu saja.



Hasil nukilan Rangga ini mempunyai maksud tersiratnya tersendiri...Selami...



Aku, Saya, Diriku...

It's Over....

I'm glad the dilemma is over...
I'm glad the burden is over...
But this end kinda makes me wonder...
Is it worth it to go in the blunder...

I stop this thing...
What we call it...a fling...?
Does it make a bell ring...?
Or am I flying without wings...?

There are just so many mysteries...
That creates a drama series...
All I want is to feed by cherries...
With love of you, I want to cherish...

I dun't wanna think abt it anymore...
I just stop pretending that I care more...
I guess there's just one thing for sure...
I'd be thinking fondly of you to my core



The end

Untitled

Mmm...I felt like blogging 2nite...I have been updating my blog almost everyday lately coz...it eases me...soothes me...somehow I can release things...

My aunt sort of wrote something on my FB...it seems that for them, seeing me fall sick here in KL somehow a bad omen for abandoning my parents at KK...why? Is it so difficult? I have decided to go back next yr...why are they pressuring me? Was I whining abt my sickness...? I guess that's the problem if we add families in our FB huh? Or relative? It's juz no privacy at all...between us and our cycles of friends...well..I learn a lesson again today...never update ur problems in FB...hehe!

I guess I cannot say anything abt my health, my personal issues etc...hmmm...Ok..! Done! Hehe...

I've been thinking abt giving something extraodinary for my friend...A very good friend...but I dunno whether its doable or not...can it be ready on time? will my friend accept it or not? hmm...I hope that everything's well...just want to give...thats all... :)

I shared something with a friend again today...abt my ex-bf during high school...hmm..nice stories...well a little bit of girlie stories ler yg di shared tu...but I enjoyed remininscing good memories kan? :) Sweet memories...

I miss my favourite BJ class today due to my sickness...sakit ja kerja saya nie..hmm..bila mau berubah malas pulak...aduuii...BJ class @ Maxis with Zaza and Halloween theme...I dun like it when I missed my class esp my wednesday class...Huuuwwaaa!!! I dun like it la...! Tapi doctor said ...rest ur stomach...nanti if got reaction lagi susah...huhu... :( I missed one class but I won't be missing it other times again...okeh? This I promise to...myself...There are just something special abt that particular class lah...for me... :)

Well...that's all what I want to share for now...No title for this entry coz it's a mixture of all things kan?



Un-sign

Asthma & Food Poisoning...?

Yesterday was just a simply terrible day for me...

During lunch, okey je... boleh ketawa2, makan nasi goreng penang, chit chat with friends..mmg best la...after went back to my workstation...I felt abit dizzy, mcm loya2 pun ada juga...*hmm, I know what u're thinking*...I felt like vomitting...tapi tahan ja..until one time I feel that I cannot tahan already...I went to the toilet...abt 15 mins standing there...still fighting to not vomit *I dun like vomitting, it's been 5-6 yrs since I last vomit like crazy okeh* but suddenly I feel that the time is up, I vomitted big time...not a great scene...I throw up another 15 minutes...the food that I ate all gone, water, etc...I think my stomach also almost went out from my mouth haha..

After that excruciating throw up, I was unable to concentrate my work already that time...felt dizzy & feel like fever... I threw up another 4-5 times in the office until it came out almost yellowish thingy & water...I cried alone in the toilet...I dun like that situation...I cried and cried...it's normal lah right? but not for me...*I will not be eating that Nasi Goreng Penang for a looonnnggggg timeeee I guarantee you haha*

That nite I went to clinic, b4 I went to the doctor's, I threw up in the clinic's toilet again...doctor said my stomach upset, severe food poisoning...she gave me some salts, meds for vomit, stomach ache & fever...

But this morning I still vomit after eating porridge so, since I need to go to see my skin specialist at Assunta...I ask the doctor abt my condition...he injects me to stop the vomitting & for my skin problem he said it's related to my asthma...hmm.. how unlucky I am...He did gave me some ventolin to ease my breathing for my asthma, he mentioned to me that asthma attack is not just by difficulty of breathing...it also can be to your skin...I dun understand that but yeah, my mum did also inform me on that...well, gonna accept that this disease will always follow me...only that I must find ways to prevent it from happening....and doctor said...don't stress! Usually he said, stress lead to potential asthma attack and my skin rashes...but why pimples??! Hate it! Sudah lah mau bayar mahal..Mmm Okey...

I'm feeling quite better now but my stomach really killing me...after few advices & concerns from my friend...ahaks...it 'cured' me in some way lah...haha *time sakit nieh lah keluar sifat2 manja terlebih nieh*...eeee I like that... ;p

Anyway...I am really so gonna miss Antu BJ class @ Maxis on wednesday...Zaza class...huuuwwaaaaaa!! Doctor said cannot go first...cos jumping2 will make my stomach ache worsen...ye lah...dalam kereta pun if got bumps on the road, dah make me feel like throwing up..apa lagi if nak buat Shabam Shabam punya move kan? Hahaha...!

To my friend....Jam to d max for me ya...! I nk jadi Antu BJ Shabam Shabam juga...! Dance for me dear! We meet next week ler...huhuhu...Rinnnddduuuu....


Poisoned

Building Friendship Is Easy...Maintaining It Is Difficult...

I come across one statement from someone...friendship is not a game...well duh! since when it becomes a game dear?? I ask myself that question, have anybody says that friends are our game of life...hell no! So what kind of statement is that?! A meaningless statement I'd say...sorry just being mean, cold & honest here...

But it's different for Love though... Love is a game...! Not friendship...! If you choose love for a man rather than your respect for a friend...then, you messed it up... BIG TIME! And losing a friend's trust, losing a friend's loyalty, losing a friend's care would be getting onto you...

That's just how life is...we learn from our mistakes...I trust a friend of mine once whom so close to me & thought that she would never hurt me...but betrayal for a man? Just not worth it...! I caught them in the act! Both of them...! Both were my best friends...that was like 8 yrs ago...Why does the memory still fresh in my mind...? Simply because, I let it control my mind...my dark history, my pain, my anger...somehow you said you'd changed...ask me for a second chance...I did! So after all these yrs, what did I get? The next betrayal...and this time, what? When you warned me abt things to bring back home...I followed ur orders...but did you listen to my orders when I said I'm not comfortable? Did you? Don't point your fingers at me telling me that I'm making a big fuss out of it...if you haven't started it! I had enough of your whining...and begging sympathy from me!

This is not friendship...this is a living hell...I stop things that I enjoy...I sacrificed everything to make you happy...but is that what friends supposed to do...? Friends supposed to make us happy, laughing, listening to our sadness, share stories...but not this...

Yeah...it's true I have other friends now...maybe they are not that close to me, maybe they weren't there as much as you do...but less time spending happy moments with them were more than enough than living a lifetime having one friend only like you...

Sorry, I didn't hate you...I never stop caring abt you...it's just that it's time for me to stop being the stupid teenager who always protective of my friends...& I'm tired being your comfort pillow everytime you make your judgement wrong when I told you so...& after you hurt me this time around...there must be things to let go... there won't be any room for mercy anymore..

Well, there's another one statement that I saw that captured my attention..."Don't whine too much, or else God will take it all back..."

That is 110% true dear! Well, this is gonna be my end to this dilemma...no more whinning abt you or your so so complicated life...I have an easy life last time..and I wasted it..but supposed I be glad kan? I do wish though, when the day that God take it all away from us...that's the day you will look back, longing for the times...we had been thru ups & downs of life that I never ever leave you...never...not once I abandoned you though how much my heart always hurting...

I think now...with lots of people around me...becoming more important to me (you know who u guys are)...I want to be good friends for them...cos they know what they are doing...and so matured...and that's what I want...not this... :)

My hidden prayer for you...all the best for your life endeavours...we are still friends...but was this friendship built to be maintain...? You decide...


Peace to you...

Ku Tahu Kau Rindu...

This song was popularised by Ratu Rock Malaysia @ Ella & a friend of mine always...I mean it..always sings this song whenever we go for Karaoke session...I like her version rather than Ella...giittiieeww ahaks! For that friend...here's ur song beb! Enjoy ! ;p

The lyrics kinda make me remininsce back my 'tragic love' last time too...but that has been long dead & gone...now I'm stronger... *I think hehe*


">


Ku tahu kau rindu
Sejakku meninggalkanmu
Ku tahu kau pilu
Bimbangku melupakanmu

Sejak kau lukakan hatiku
Mempermain cinta suciku
Siang dan malam tangisi
Silamku

Kasih sayangku yang bersemi
Kau tabur racun yang berbisa
Dibelakangku di tertawa dan hina

Mungkin aku tiada yang lain
Kerna itu kau berani berpaling
Membiarkan aku tertanya
Siapa milikku

Sehingga ku meninggalkanmu
Baru kini engkau terasa
Cinta siapa lebih perdana

Rising High & Reactions?

I consulted my regular panel doctor & result is... 170/120 another high BP...and that pressure was the same number when I was hospitalised last 2 yrs back...

Doctor gave me higher dosage of BP pills...but I think as a result, it some how give some reactions on my skin...esp my face... damn! It was some sort of pimple-like thing but was quite itchy...Uuurgghh...doctor gave me some antibiotics with some cream and lotion to put on my face but few days passed I think it's worsen...

I become more uncomfortable and I hated the fact it's worsen and I think I need to see my Specialist doctor that cured me last time...but damn expensive...our company benefit also unable to cover all I think...but I guess I should go and meet him cos this rashes and pimple thingy kinda make me stress...!

With tons of work in the office & some personal issues that kept bothering me..doctor did advice me to be extra calm & patience...He said that always stress that could create this problem or maybe...bcos of my BP meds that give me this reaction...but somehow..I just started consuming the meds, how it could become reaction..so my doctor conclude it's due to stress...mmg this week sgtss stress bcos of.....lots of things ;)

Now I am still taking the BP pills for temporary, as doctor have prescribed me 2 type of pills but turn out to become an 'allergic reaction'...And for my face, doctor at the time being only give me antibiotics & some cream to apply...I will be making an appoinment with my Specialist, Dato Dr P S Nathan in Assunta to help me...

He knows how to cure me...Now & lately, I have been really down bcos of this...I'm afraid...But I'll pray everything will be fine...
Cos now I feel terrible with this face lahhhh!!!



Poker Face

I Don't Deserve This Kind of Love & Confusion...

Dear ...

I dunno why but you know how I feel...abt everything...
I can sense that you know...
The way you talk, the way you cared, the way you look at me...
Whether the feelings there or not...I confused...

I don't wanna say...
I don't wanna know...
Abt what you did, or who u truly are...
These feeling weren't supposed to be felt...
But how I should push this feeling away...

Creating distance? Ignorance?
I can't...I'm helpless...
Not that I fall truly, madly, deeply for you...
But I still need you...

You said you're in love...
But to whom...that's I wanna know...
I'm confused...
Silly me to think that it was right...

I hate to be in confusion...
I hate to be in dilemma...
Dunno what is true or what is not...
I hate it..hate it...hate it...!

I don't want to be in between...
I want to stand on one side only...
Beside you...or distance from you...
I hate this feeling...

I don't want to be in this position anymore...
I don't deserve to be in this situation...
Coz I don't belong here...
With you or without you...

I'm gonna step myself out & further apart from you...
Maybe it's the best way...
And treat you like anybody else...
Just don't say a word anymore...

I don't deserve this...



Walking d opposite direction of Love

I Will Be...

There are 2 singers had sang this song...

But originally it was sang & written by one of my fav artist...Avril Lavigne. All I gotta say is this song kinda 'feel' me on what I gone through...and some lyrics of the song really touches me...Dedicate to ppl or person that I hurt b4..and to You.. Enjoy... ;)

Avril Lavigne "I Will Be"- Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

Avril Lavigne - I Will Be

There’s nothing I can say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears I've cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you’d go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I’ll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

I thought that I had every thing I didn’t know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You’re the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe cause your here with me
And if I let you down I’ll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

Cause with out you I can’t sleep
I’m not gonna ever ever let you leave
You’re all I got
You’re all I want
Yeah
And with out you I don’t know what I’ll do
I could never ever live a day with out you
Here with me do you see your all I need

And I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life (my life) I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

I will be (I’ll be) all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life you know I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

Tahap Danger Zone...dengan harapan ia tidak Kekal...

Addduuiii....dgn keje yg semakin hari semakin lah semua menjadi main priority...mmg buntu giler on how to organize my desk tue...bongeng betul....tension like krazey!!

Tapi deep down dlm hati, I'm glad that my life entirely better cuma, keje nieh betul2 menjatuhkan mood...I feel like resigning jer & tender terus... but I think abt it...will figure it out whether I should or shouldn't do it...in time...hopefully lah... bos are too pushy nowadays...but today mmg really pisses me off..

She ask me to go Level 34 to meet some bosses there to discuss some issue...alone lagi tue...not anyone follows me...so of I go... from Level 25 pegi Grd Flr, gi Level 34...discuss abit...but they can't do anything cos...my bos haven't sign the paper yet..*mula dah panas hati nieh..suruh naik kat atas discuss...yg tak sign tu kenapa, bengong...*..then best part is that bosses were discussing & asking my opinion abt some things...I said I can't make the decision as I need to discuss with my manager first...suddenly one of the bosses ask.."they send to come here for what then?...u admin saje ke?'...sakitnya hati saya...mcm mau di back hand org tue...tapi saya senyum ckp... no lah...tu je my defence...eeee sakit hati...sudah lah mcm tue, when turun, I go back to the office & my boss ask me.."So how? Got decision already? U know this cm is priority, top cm, director of bla bla bla... and there goes my mind wonders all the time my bos were talking to me...once she keep quiet, I talked with enthusiastic to her telling her why I can't stand it anymore...to be pressurised by all these so called important ppl, datuks, datins cases...etc..tiba2 pula, she take out one list of paper..It was our performance appraisal for mid year...she was saying..."Since u tell me all of ur unsatisfaction to me, come I evaluate you now..."....Wahh ugutss with ur power... FINE! Haha! But turned out fine lah..my boss mmg abit krazey but she's the greatest... *Huuuuu...nieh ayat mmg guna aircond baik punyer nak ambik hati...haha!*

Well...dun want to prolong story ler... but hari nieh tension punya pasal...I sang alot of songs...old malay songs in particular...but one song that my friend sings...I feel in love with it...walaupun lagu lama... ntah...best pulak dengar... alot of songs we sing but this song really makes me happy....ntah...dah giler kot...haha! Anyway...enjoy this song ya... ahaks!


KEKAL - ZIANA ZAIN


Sayang dengarkanlah
Syair kau tulis ku lagukan
Moga jadi siulan
Suatu masa

Dan moga engkau kan tersenyum
Dengan irama indah
Hanya itu
Yang mampu ku beri
Di dalam mimpiku
Syair indah
Yang masih ku baca
Hangus terbakar
Dengan tak ku sangka
Yang ku mimpi
Rupanya terjadi
Punah semuanya


Kesepian kini
Menyusuli hari
Syair nan di rindu
Kau bawa bersama
Tinggallah irama
Terus ku lagukan

Kekal ia bersama
Serpihan harapan kita yang punah
Kita tak menduga
Dari kenalan lahir sayang
Hingga ku terlupa
Kau siapa
Setulus kasih ku kalungkan
Dan selautan sayang
Kau singkirkan
Di persada ramba


Aduiii...menyampah kan? * Saja gatal2*


Cilla

Top Of The World...

At this moment...there is nothing more that I could ask from God only that I feel so blessed for He proves that my life is meaningful despite all bad things happened around me that makes me 'fell' hard on the ground...

Though how bad the stormy weather would be, how gloomy or how cold the atmosphere would be, there is gonna still have sunshine that would woke up from the horizon...and when that happens, you will see clearer picture of your life purpose...and how we handle certain difficulties in our life...

Everyone will one day experience bad things in life, and the one thing that makes us different is on how far we control the situation...how far your emotions & rational controls you, and how you face everyday life, the consequences of our own decision, whether it's a burden or it eases you...it's all about what our heart and mind tells us what to do...

I am happy at this moment, feeling on top of the world, cos I started open up my mind, learn from my mistakes, appreciate 2nd chances, & being humble admitting my wrongdoings...and I put my ego down..and honestly there is no emotion thats greater than this....feeling relief...

I have better friend, better future, better mind...and always keep on searching for something that improves my life every single day...

It feels more greater when I know my family esp my parents, and my bro always there...and cheer me up with their constant calls, making me laugh all the time when I am down...that's the love that I won't ever lose...

Everything good at the moment...dun want it to end...just want to live and enjoy this moment where I can smile whenever I woke up...go to work...go to gym...meeting friend...enjoying myself...

*To a friend that accepted me back again...it all started from you... always be ;) *


The best feeling that I ever had...
Me on Top

Wake Up Call...

It's been a krazey day for me...today in history...crying like hell since the wee hours of morning, stop awhile continue til evening with a very hurtful reason...

Sometimes as a normal human being, we tend to make mistakes & the mistakes that we did, hurt the person that we cared & loved, and this happened to me today...& I dig my own grave for it...I have myself to blame for these...

I always wanted to be a good fren...& I never want to hurt anybody's feeling esp when this fren whom have helped us in so many ways lifting ourselves up...have been nothing but be someone I can count on...

I know I am a type of person whom at times, say sarcastic thing just to make fun of some ppl....but I never wanted to hurt this friend of mine intentionally...I am guilty as charged!

I valued & treasured this friendship so deep, so whatever happens, this friendship built is important to me...I dun wanna lose it...but things that happened today...kinda make me down...

Just that, you are important to me...u always will...coz u will always be my wake up call in my life to be better...these thing don't happen to me often...I know I have taken you for granted last time...but I want to be a better fren to u...& u helped me & guide me...

Thank you friend for everything...! Luv ya....Mmmuaacksss! ;)



Wake Up Caller

Sharing is...

It's been quite some time I haven't update my blog...Well, I wanna share something here...

Friendship is always a great thing anybody can experience in life...We have a lot of friends different shapes, sizes & personality...We have old friends, new friends & great friends around us...

Some can touch our life easily, some can hurt our feelings, some were meant to be broken, some meant to lasts forever...for me, friendship is always the most essential thing in my life & I choose my friend carefully & I always care abt my friends very deeply...and most important thing in friendship is believing in sharing...

Lately I have been talking to this one particular friend, & to my amaze, I can totally be comfortable to talk with this friend..There were lots of things we shared suddenly...dunno why ler...we shared our stories abt love & relationship etc, I was quite suprised how we can have a lot of things in common, & it really make me feel happy coz someone have the same experience like me..& I really like it! I enjoy this... very much...!

I know most ppl perceive this friend of mine as someone bad & wild...ppl juz judge from the outside but they never realise abt what the person feels or even bother to ask...they only judge...whenever I talk to this friend, I always feel good & happy...I felt like I met someone from my high school friends...whom really knows how to enjoy life, be urself & do whatever u want to do... don't regret....! We share quite intimate details of our life & it was nice coz I know we share something special together that no one could understand and this new friendship is becoming important to me too... and I hope that we could share our feelings again some other sweet times...

I enjoyed our talks ya.... I love sharing stories with you....and I enjoy our openness to each other...its great I can share my feelings and open up to other ppl so that I won't close my mind up..I learn something from this... ;) And I learn something new every single day now.... ;p

Luv ya friend....Muuuaacckksss! ;)



New friend

Love Me Up...

Last nite, I had a dream abt 'A'...the guy from my post The Smile...I dunno why suddenly I dreamt abt him...not in a dirty way...but in a friendly way though...he was one of my best guy fren last time...but our things end coz we could never settle our problems...so the friendship ends just like that...

I think I will continue my story abt him, during college years...when me & A started to grown close to each other, everyone was quite suprised I think...he will drive me back home after class or sometimes send me back to my mum's office...

I didn't ask any of that, but he make it as a routine, & if he unable to send me back, he will inform me earlier...he was so damn nice to me, I don't really know why...but as a girl, who doesn't like that attention??? hahaha :P

He started to 'bond' with me somehow...we talked abt our interests, hobbies, etc...sesi perkenalan lah...& he was suprised that I loved Creed (one of the Alternative Band famous that time), coz he love the band too..I can see his eyes were glowing when he saw me buying Creed's records..& from that moment we share our passion in music...

After a while, we grown so close & seems he always tells me things that he don't share with others kinda make me feel I'm somewhat special to him...Whenever my other guys frens being so overly-friendly to me, he will always quickly ran towards me and ask them to back off...I dunno why, I wonder why...He will whisper to me that he don't like them doing that to me...over protective? some sort of control? jealous? I wasn't sure though...But I didn't care abt his behaviour like that, coz I kinda love that attention *hahaha...don't get me wrong, that's just natural a girl's thing*

One sweet day, there was an announcement saying that there will be Prom Nite for our college, so he came up to me & ask me to join in his band...I wasn't sure I can sing in front of ppl, and he never heard me sang...but he believe that I can do it...I felt so SHY to the core and really so WORRIED SICK that I messed up... The first time we practiced, we went to an empty class room, he brought his guitar along, & we supposed to be randomly just practice few songs...he is a left handed, the guitar he brought was for normal right hand person...what he did was he simply turn the guitar the opposite position & he plays it in his left hand...*Gosh, I could scream that time u know..!! Hahaha...I falled for him bcos of his talent in music...he was so damn hot doing that! He played all the chords backwards, that it what I called total talent...! I loved him & deeply fall for him bcoz of that! *Eeeeeiiissshh, totally feel mcm High School Musical betul nieh...hahahah*

There abt 4 of us in the room, but I was so afraid to sing in front of them, all guys pulak tu! He ask 2 of them to leave the room, and left me, him & another guy, E, whom I had crush with since the beginning...When he strumming on his guitar, my voice just too soft for him, he ask me to sing louder, I can't!! My malu still cannot be overcome..!! So, he ask 'E', to turn off the lights of the room & ask me to sing in the dark...when E turn off the lights, I felt some kind of a romantic setting pulak...*hish, nak muntah tak?* I can sing but he wasn't completely satisfied, so he ask 'E' to go out from the room, I know that 'E' was grinning & the other 2 guys outside were seems to act like monkeys outside the room..but I just don't care...

Left only 2 of us in the dark room, he was sitting right beside me & start strumming the guitar but this time he said, " I give u a key & u sang without my guitar first "...So, he give me a key, I sang softly & suddenly his voice came out & sang with me... :) that was the harmonious sound I've ever heard, just both of us... then slowly he started strumming his guitar again...& everything was history...!!! We started regularly practice Jamming every week, & that makes us grew more comfortable to each other...until...his girlfriend, a chinese girl, seems to give me a rolling eyes whenever he ask me to join them for drinks or lepak...I avoid following him, coz his time was already taken during our Jamming...I dun wanna be the "Tiang Lampu" if they go out together, but he always seems to insist...His gf did approach me & ask me what me & him usually do when we go for Jamming..I said, "practising lah"...but she seems not to believe it...I was feeling unsecure abt all this & I just wish this thing just go away coz I dun want to make their relationship in trouble bcoz of me spending time with him all the time..I thought abt leaving the group & after a while, I decided to confront with him..."I'm leaving, I don't want to be in ur group anymore...sorry but I think I cannot do this...", I walked away...he didn't say anything, stood there, kept quiet & just looking at me...that very same day, one of his ex-gf's (b4 he's with this chinese girl), confronted me, (this girl is very sweet malay girl,so there's no need for me to be harsh with her), ask me, but in a polite way lah, "U join band 'A' kah? I always so u & him going out together alot...u guys seems so close to each other lah....after Jam, where do u guys go usually...going back or go somewhere else..?"... *It's none of your business!!!!! Itu kata hati, but I didn't say that to her...hehe*.. I was getting more fed up with all of his krazey gf & ex-gf asking me this & that as if I was the one that pulling this guy away from them, to be with me...I never ask any of his attention...& why he ask me to join his group also I never know why... But I told his ex-gf that I am no more in his group, I leave...& I didn't say anything to "A" anymore since then...

Few days passed, "A" ponteng our Accounting class...I didn't see him, but somehow I find myself being 'empty'...I tried to concentrate in my class too until during break, "A" give a note/letter to "E", asking him to pass it to me, he wrote, "Meet me outside, now...we need to talk"... I hesitate at first, but "E" said, "He's not doing so good...u better go & see him.."

So I walked out from the class & meet him outside, he was sitting at the same bench he first approached me, his face was so gloomy, I sit next to him..I ask him if he have anything say...he kept numb for a while & suddenly says, " I know u have been 'harrassed' by my gf & ex-gf, but please stay with me in our group, we supposed to perform in less than 2 weeks so please..dun let them make u change ur mind, look how far we already gone thru..."...

I know that I would waste our practices & waste our times if we end it...so I decided to go on...after I said that, his face started to glow again, happy...suddenly he held my hands tightly, telling me, " I know they harassing bcoz they where wondering why I enjoy spending time with you..more than I spend time with them..." He smiled & look at me, " You're more special than they are...", I was like, fainting in my brain...that is sweet but I dunno what exactly u r trying to say...guys are just plain mysterious & weird lah...I wasn't sure what are my relation with him...uurrghhh! :) He continued.."if they try to harrass you again, let me know please...so that I can confront & explain to them again..." & with that everything is history....!!!

We practice, perform & being great friend for each other, and my feelings for him was in between of love & friendship...I fall for his talent in music...and he was my best friend....he makes me feel appreciated, he always do & he always tells me that I am special, in what way...I never know...it's more than enough when he told me that I am somewhat meaningful for him...

Until we went our separated ways, still good though, I didn't feel that I lose him coz I remember what he said...

But dunno why we suddenly meet up in KL again to continue studies...that was where it took my heart out the most...next episode ~~Love, Friendship & Betrayal...*will be continued* This is where my heart taken away & history created...My love history, friendship mend & broken because of a guy...it begins here...~~


Don't Speak
(This song meant something for me & him, ever since I knew him, my life seems to be revolve in music)

When My Time Stops...

It was my 18th birthday gift from my mum...

My only watch, a Harvard Polo Watch bought on 11 September 1999, has gone beyond repair last Thursday nite...I was crushed...really sad by this...I wanted to cry but things eventually had happen...

& I've done everything I could to save it...the watch have a sentimental value for me & it really meant a lot for me...I will keep it still though its not working anymore...that is the longest watch I wore...and it won't be easily replaced...

Most of my friends admire the watch coz, it always look brand new...though its already a decade...the glass was made of sapphire crystal so it would never have scratch marks...& I really love it!

Well, I need to get another watch though... coz I couldn't live without a watch on my wrist....

Now...who may be able to help me ease my burden? Buying me a watch perhaps...? Hahahahaha.... ;P



Watchers

Different...But A Great Feeling...

*Dedicated to my friend whom accompany me tonite with a nice conversation we shared*

It's been awhile since our last meeting...it was great to have that chat with you...as you know, I am always keeping things to myself and never realise that I should change myself...

Yes, the things you said is a great advice for me too...and lots of ppl have asked me to do the same thing...but I never really have the courage...so...I take ur say on this... :)

Thanks for the nice dinner, the open up and ice breaking session...hehe...*mcm baru kenal*

I hope I will learn to adapt myself to the current phase I'm having... and I hope that with ur help and guidance too, will help me to be stronger... :)

Friendship should be simple...not difficult and always happy... not meant to be ruin or destroyed...I hope this new friendship between u and me will lasts too...I really hope so... :)



Friends

BodyJam...BodyJam...BodyJam...Jam to the Max!!!

I woke up this morning feeling rather tired,chest pain etc...normal symptom for me, when 'resting' too much and did not workout during Ramadhan... :) *mmg malas mau pi gym*

Just now, after waking up, I feel like writing...so here I am in the dark still, typing this...

Yesterday, after whole month of September didn't workout, there I was, standing in the crowd of loyal fans of BJ in Zaza's class...Her class was among my favourites besides from Kak Ju & Stephen's...so, I will grab any opportunity to come to her class no matter what...and I mean it...no matter what...hehe just like yesterday...

I didn't bring any gym clothing yesterday coz I have tons of work I haven't manage to finish and besides my project is a new trial project, so there is alot of holes need to be fill and being so naive in Cardpro system, uploading data NetXpert is really not helping, so I still need to storm my brain up and learn everything with my boss...not easy to learn in a short time, still struggling but...take it as a challenge...*hish :)*

Ntah hape angin, we felt our Ambank building shaky for about 30 seconds or so...my boss said..better go home..now! It was around 6.30pm, so I pack my bag and go off lah..since the boss always go off.. hehe...and so does everyone...we heard the news that there was an earthquake in Sumatra and tsunami warning was sent out...bla bla bla...

So I was thinking, class Zaza...? kene join nieh.. so...take my money without thinking much, I bought one long pants, t-shirt, Adidas shoes and socks costing me around RM 200 total...cheapkan..?? Haha! NVM...for Zaza's class, anything!!! Krazey...*semangat lama tak pegi gym nieh*

I bring my new bandana which was given to me as a present from Kak Ajie and wore it... I look fine with the combination..hehe...

But during class, I did experience some difficulty of breathing, spinning head, and chest pain...but I think I hid it quite well...coz if really cannot tahan...I just wanna leave the class...half way...but hish, like always, when Zaza said "take it as a challenge"...kene lah berusaha right? afterall, I bought all the things just to spend half an hour in the class...? not worth it! So I continue class till the end...and I didn't even realize Zaza calling my name asking me whether I am ok or not, I just smile..I didn't wear contacts, so not sure who she was looking at, and some more, I can really see stars...pening2...

The whole class I enjoyed so much...and to end the perfect night was...resting at home...no dinner...just rest...luckily no need to go to doctor...my old medicine for my chest pain still available at home...

But it was hard for me...but I never forget to 'fight'... :)


Mild BJ-ers