Groovin Movin....Whine Up!

I LURRRVVEEEEE THIS SONG!!! Makes me wanna move my body & groovin'....

WooohhoooOOOoooooo!!! It's tonite baby! Tonite! ;D



Party Up

They can never have...Yesterday...

I fell in love with this song instantly when I first heard it few months back...
Heard this song again in the radio today & somehow I feel like I wanted to upload it in my blog...

My first thought about this song were a mixture of feeling & experiences that I have been thru...

For me, I have experience a lot & I mean it..LOTS of bad moments & memories...beyond anyone's imagination...& what I been thru definitely a unique one...But I do have some great memories & the best I ever had...

This year, I met some great frens, knowing other ppl, opening up my protective 'shell' of shyness (sikit lah ter'open'..hehe)... But along the way, the road & the journey of a great friendship experienced quite alot of bumps & rocky & unsteady path...some frens still survive the rough road, some just abandon it & some just leave without a trace...But whatever it is, it's a blessing in disguise...

Sometimes God gave us something beautiful & remarkable, but He take it all just in a sudden without a warning...leaving us feeling 'empty'...

Well...all I can say is that this song reminds me of my Yesterday's memories with all my loved ones...some of them may have be away & apart far from me...but they always close to my heart... ;)

Enjoy this song everyone... ;)

Yesterday Once More

Talk About Love...

Just now, after dinner with my family...I had a deep conversation with my mum about Love...

Hmm...it's not a topic that I can comfortably talk to mum that easy...but tonite her understanding towards my concern, my opinion & my worries was all heard...Love my mum for that...

She knows that I'm not easy to give my heart to anyone...my past love life was terrible and I told her that I always have a complication in my relationship coz it involves a guy of different religion...she is very serious abt that matter...& I know it same goes to me too... But I dunno why...always end up like that...

My mum talks abt uncertainty of relationship...coz I did share to her abt a good fren of mine whom just been brokenhearted by a guy & have a difficulty of recuperating...& how to deal with broken relationship...

My mum share some of her friends stories...married but divorced, married but separated, single but loving it, spinster but loving it, married but single parent, old flame came burning with passion to married ppl etc...She have load of friends who have some weird, hurtful & wildest experiences on relationship & love...

My mum told me...it's not that she said to entirely push a guy away...but always and she insist...ALWAYS give chance to d guy, a chance to know ppl & she said importantly, always give CHANCE to urself...

A chance to love, a chance of knowing & not to think abt it too much or push it too much...coz at the end of the day...if you give chance to love...although u find urself hurting ur heart...it is better to get hurt now rather than being hurtful bcoz of thinking abt 'What If...'

My mum advise me that love was meant to hurt you...bcos if it's not...u wouldn't feel truly or appreciate the love u have in ur heart...bcoz being in love, or in a relationship, or married, always there's sacrifice involved and it will stress u up...Being heartbroken is essential part in getting to know ppl...and she said even friends can broke a friend's heart...so u got nothing to lose if u try to be loved again or to experience love...it's just that always think & aware abt ur consequences...and to be always realize and know what u're doing...never do careless action or thinking cos it will hurt much more worst & it will caused us to think all things negatively & down as a result, depression...when u come to that extend, there's nobody can help u with that but urself to recover back... ;)

My mum gave great advices to me, she won't put pressure on me abt getting a guy in my life...it's just that she's worried if a guy that I will meet can really take good care of me or not & what future may hold for us...

I know it's scary & risky...and I know my mum worried & think too much abt me too...but I hope I could show & prove to them that I will be okay...whether I am alone or have someone...

Hehehehe...it's a nice feeling sharing this story with my mum... I feel close to her somehow...

LOVE YOU MUM! ;)



Love talk

Always On Your Side...

Watch more Dailymotion videos on AOL Video

I started to love this song when I saw Table For Three series...
Just heard it from MTV

Enjoy... ;)


ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide

When you knew that I was always on your side
Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared

Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years
But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally

This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be
Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay

Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally

But is this how it's really meant to be
No is it how it's really meant to be
Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay

If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side


**Lately, I'm lazy to write my story...so I will download some songs that match my mood for the day** ;D

*Some more I feel so happy today...! Happy, happier & happiest!!!! Wooohhhooo!! ;D *

Cheers!


Just Me

Yang Terbaik...

Ohhh...Ohhhhh wowo...

Ku selalu memikirkan tentang kita
Apa punya harapan yang dikejar
Kerna aku masih penuh rasa ragu
Melihat kau seperti tak bersungguh


Jika kau mencinta
Berikanlah kurasa


Korus
Diriku dah berikan yang terbaik
Dan bukannya nak mengungkit
Siapa benar siapa salah
Siapa menang siapa kalah


Dah berikan yang terbaik
Memaksa hati merisik
Mungkin kau bukan teman hidup
Yang terbaik untukku


Memang benar ku amat mencintai mu
Dan harapkan di sana pun begitu
Tetapi kau tak luahkan perasaan
Apa lagi memberikan ku kasih


Jika kau mencinta
Berikanlah kurasa


Diriku dah berikan yang terbaik
Dan bukannya nak mengungkit
Siapa benar siapa salah
Siapa menang siapa kalah


Dah berikan yang terbaik
Memaksa hati merisik
Mungkin kau bukan teman hidup
Yang terbaik untukku

I love this song...dunno why...the starting of the song sounded sweet...ahahaha...not bcoz of Marsha is a Sabahan I wanted to support her but..this song sounded cutee!!

Lyrics somehow ada jugak lah touched my heart abit..ehemmm... ;)

Enjoy ya! ;p

Yang Terbaik

Fallin' For You...

In my love life, there are times when I fall for the wrong guy...but it's normal right? As long as it doesn't harm me in any way...so why should I not be happy? I should be happy...right? Though he doesn't know my true feelings...It's enough to know that he cares for me...

I dun ask for more...but if he can give my everything...I wouldn't hesitate take accept dear... ;)

Coz I think I've fallin for you...This song reminds me of him...if only I could tell you...



Enjoy this song...

**Sometimes, in my blog, if I'm lazy updating it..I will just post a song to express my feeling that time...& now this is it...**


Keep Fallin'

My Life...My Journey...

These few days spending time with my family...esp my parents...I lived a very calm & peaceful time...though with babysitting Baby Echa is very tiring & I constantly got migrain & all (seriously taking care a baby is damn difficult, I just wonder what if I have my own children...huuuu scary! ;p but exciting scary...) other than that, I'm all good here...

I wanted a calm life..wanted to be far from trouble...I know in life if we don't experience any bumps on the road...that wouldn't be called life isn't it? What I meant is to be far away from the same old trouble that kept bothering me for years...I just want a different kind of life...where I can smile, be happy, do things I like, enjoying my spare times with my old frens again...& my family...

I enjoy my own quiet little time & space...being far from my family...I want my own time...I don't like to be watched or been stopped to do anything that I want...Because of these, I'm not sure if moving back permanently to my hometown would be an easy transition for me...coz I know it would be hard for me...but I think it will make everyone happy...especially my parents...I know some ppl asked me whether this is what I want or what other ppl want...

For me, I do things that will make everyone around me happy...I don't usually make a decision that really makes me or myself happy...coz I am more happier when seeing people that I loved & cared about are the ones happier than me...coz I could sincerely smile & really feel the greatest when I saw them happy, smiling & laughing...call me stupid or people pleaser...but this is me...my personality... nothing can change that... ;)

I've been taking care of Baby Echa & it's really killing my patience (at the same time, I learn to be patient to babies)...but I feel so glad when I saw Echa's smile & understand what I say to her...sometimes I feel so emo jugak when she started to cry...coz I just melt away everytime hearing her crying...huhuhu...motherly instinct..? Maybe coz I really wanted a baby right now...hahaha...I think lots of ppl know abt it already...hmmm... ;)

There's a mix feeling that fills in my heart & mind...couldn't describe it really in depth...but here, everytime b4 I go to bed, I've actively pray for myself to find true happiness & for God to show me the right path for me, coz I couldn't find my own way without God's guidance for me...somehow, I felt lost sense of direction in my life...I know what could make me happy but most of d time, I feel so down...not bcoz of my ownslef..but some ppl in my life caused me to be unhappy & I let them ruin my life...I know I shouldn't be doing blaming other ppl coz I choose my own life..that's why I need God's light to show me the right path for me... ;)

God Bless Me...My life, my family, my dear frens...


**At this moment, I honestly can say that I missed some of my close frens in KL, somehow, thinking of them makes me so warm inside knowing they're thinking of me too...it's gonna be hard to be far from my KL life..butI must try...**


Transition

Two Is Better Than One...

This song is a very romantic song...I lurveee it so so much... ;)

And it is indeed Two Is Better Than One...
I love this video clip bcos my favourite movie combine with the song...is just plain perfect...!

If I could ever experience this kind of Love...I would never let it go...

Enjoy!





I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought "Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay

I'm finally now believing
That maybe it's true
I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
Yeah, yeah

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought,"Hey,
"Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one

There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinkingI can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When it's all said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one

Back In BKI...My Land Below D Wind...My HomeTown...

Wow...it's been quite awhile since my last update...?

Been pretty busy last week with work & stuffs until I can't find time to update my blog...last minute projects, last minute stuff to do..etc..

Since last friday, I've arrived at my beloved hometown after almost half year did not go back....and how much I really miss seeing my parents, my bro & my small but very close family around my house...

Did some catch up with my parents, lil bro, aunts, cousins & even niece...ceh.. ;)I love their company so much...got some deep talks with my parents abt my decision on going back to KK permanently...I know I have been giving them a hard time thinking of what had happened to me lately in KL...We have discussed about the matters & I understand why they always finds it hard to see me far apart from them & all things happening to me...I make them worried too much...but I think I have grown quite matured lately this few months...and I know & very much aware on what I'm doing...

I think my mum have 2 things that she worries about; Me finding the right love & carry on...and Me finding the difficult love & carry on...It's hard to explain...My mum kinda worried that I haven't found someone in my life, and kinda worried about me finding the wrong type of man & act stupid...but setting me up with a guy of their choice also won't make me happier either...so I know my consequences are...

Converting to a different religion bcos of Love is not an option in my family eyes..& also to me...it's difficult for me when I've involved with a guy which have different religion & believe from me...but I'm learning to accept this...

Well, enough abt that...here's another part of my life that never ends...my relationship with my friends...yes, I have quite a lot of friends la sort of, but only few people that I have attached with that given enormous impact to me will be remembered and stayed beside me...

Friendship, Love, Relationship...? Well, I could write a book on that title coz yes, this year is a special year indeed...I learn the BIGGEST lesson in friendship, love & relationship...

We claimed a friendship is an everlasting gift from God but...little did we know how a great ship like this can be sunken deep into the sea, just by ONE ACT of SELFISHNESS & PURE STUPIDITY of a person...& in friendship, once there's a breach, things or situation can never be undone & it will change the course...no matter how badly we want things back to normal...

We claimed that love is something powerful & magical that can happen to anybody...things which involves our fragile heart that could easily fall for the wrong person for the wrong reason...we try to heal & mend our heart by saying & listening all comforting words...but sorry...TRUTH HURTS & it SUCKS!! Believe me, if u wanna be a tough & matured person, LEARN baby, LEARN!! Learn from our past mistakes & don't repeat!!! Never REPEAT! Coz if it's repeating, that means u'r not listening or thinking...& that will give us another greater gift...REGRET! We do things in our life...never regret on our decision...coz we know what's best for us...

We claimed that relationship is a connection between one individual with another...well, I got no problem in this part coz I dun have to... ;) Relationship is like having someone great around you to share your happiness & kindness & all sort of things we can share...that is what tied us, bond us, & in a way building a relationship with anyone...someone we care about & love...

There has been quite alot I experienced for these couple of mths...& I am learning the Biggest Lesson in my life this year...Praise God...I have time to improve myself...& BE A BETTER PERSON...

GOD BLESS!

**This is only part of my luahan hati...there's more from where it came from...part 1 end**



My Dark 1

It's Ur Birthday...You deserved The Best!!!

Just wanna write down here that...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FREN...!!!

Ur last 2*th birthday!! Cepat2 kahwin bleh tak? hahaha!!
**Jgn marah u....cepat lagi umur tu meningkat...** ;p

Btw, it's ur birthday...u deserved the best dear...

Today is actually one of my good fren's birthday...I have planned to give her the cake & gift on the eve of her birthday to suprise her...

It's not much but I hope u'll love it dear...

Happy Birthday Ya! Enjoy ur day with ur loved ones...

Luv ya fren! Muacckkss!!
Thanks for every way that you help me... ;)
I owe it to you...


Frens Forever

If I Told You...

Being in an open relationship makes me wonder if its help me much...okay when I'm with him...it was nice...cos he says all the right things to make me feel mushed up...but in fact, in my heart...I had a secret feeling for someone else...a guy whom always look out for me... ;)

I wanna wrote a confession here...sumthing which I've been kept for quite sometimes already...

I can't remember the 1st time we met...
I also couldn't remember the 1st word you said...
I can't remember the 1st time we've grown close...
You were a friend...you were sweet & gentle...
You're stunning...beautiful...& pure kindness...

You were great...
You helped me in a way...
Making me feel that I am worthy...
As a lady, I wanted someone to reassure me...
And you make it so easy by showing ur concern on me...

I feel kinda dizzy & mushy when you're around...
Just by one look...you melt away my heart...
Not sure what I feel for you...
Was it for love?
Or just good friends?

Sometimes I wanted to say it out loud...
To say to you that I have feelings for you...
This feeling is wonderful...
But I don't want things to change if I told you...

Hey you...
I just want you to know...
That my feelings for you would never change...
I hope you will be my someone...
A special person in my life...

I don't want you to push urself away...
I don't want you to care less abt me too...
Coz with you I had a 'different' strength...
& you give me a booster kick in my life...

I hope that on one sweet day...
If I told you...
My feelings for you...
You'd smile & held my hands close to your heart...

Though it may not be forever...
I just wanna enjoy the moment with you...
& it would be more than enough...
To make me fly high...

Knowing that what if you had the same feeling for me...




Cilla

Spending Greatest Time With You Dear...

I think I haven't been spending time with my blog lately...well I guess it's just because I've been filling my time with lots of other thing rather than stuck in front of the laptop...besides gymming, I go for movies, go out with my close friends etc...

Last thursday, after BJ & Pump class @ FF MBF, I've actually plan for a 'Night'away from my problematic life here...I went out with a friend of mine...hmmm ;) it was so damn wonderful & I never felt that way before...I do went for some previous night outings before but it couldn't compare to what I enjoy most that night...hehe... hmmm ;)

My friend pick me up @ KLCC, went back to the house to freshen up...thereafter we went to d famous D'sara Uptown favourite youngsters hangout... Thought of dieting, but when my friend ordered Chicken Chop...aiya...ok la...one time only hehe...

We had great talks & laugh but I was distrupted with 'some' incidents...pyschotic sms & calls...but I've been so calm cos my friend really 'helping' me by easing me...I love you so much for that dear...

We talk quite a lot abt our relationship, friends & life...didn't even realise that it was almost 2am already...gosh! My friend suggest that we go for KL joyride at night...it's been so long I haven't been to KL joyride...& when I get d chance to do it...it was the best feeling ever...As my friend driving...I clapped my hands happily few times as if it was my first time doing it...Funny so...But I enjoy the moments...My friend ask me if I'm happy few times...Well dear, sometimes..happiness unable to be describe...but you do make me feel so good that time...I can't really show it to you...but I think you know how I feel that night... ;)

After the joyride, we went back to my friend's place...well me, feeling kinda akward for staying at other people's house like always but..somehow my friend's place reminds me on my good old days when I was still in College staying at Ridzuan Condo at Sunway...somehow I miss the place so much...

Anyhow, it was around 4am already...still need to go work the next day..thought of having talks but we didn't instead... :)

Well, it was a great night...I enjoyed our night away...the talks & laughs & we shared lots of common things together...sweetness!!

I hope we can do it again someday...I want to spend time with great friends...cos it really makes me happy to hangout with other people...

This is dedicated to you...Luv u... U know what you have done for me...Thanks...

xoxo

Cill

Sometimes It's Just Never Ends...

Last night, I went to see New Moon for the 3rd time in less than a week...huhu...

But this time with my 3 best girlfriends...(u know who u r...muahh)

For this time, my emotions were quite okay already...I didn't cry coz the first 2 times I went, I cried the ending part where Jacob had to hear Bella said, "It's always gonna be Him (Edward)..." It crushes me when you could see Jacob's face so deeply hurt & his heart broken in hearing Bella's word...enough on the mushy stuff...But honestly for me, I would go for Jacob I guess...Why?

Okay, basically for me, it doesn't really matter if you are a team Edward or Jacob...coz when it comes down to real life, we, ladies...had a lot different personalities...each one of us have our own "Edward" or "Jacob" in some extend of our life...but we always choose the one who is more compatible with us...Love is a fantasy that we realise it to be true...Compatible means being together will complement & complete each other...

that's how Love turns to something extraodinary and ended with happy endings...you have got to work it...In movie terms, off course its already written in the book, the author decides how it ends...but in real life...we make our own endings...our own so called 'drama' but...we could never follow stories like this Twilight saga that's not even REAL....sorry for the Twilight fans okay...no offence but it's just reality...& reality bites!

Enough abt Love...

I had some argument with a fren, which makes me think that I had enough of this...I had been patient with you for this few months...I have been so supportive of you, being there for you...but all you can think of is the things that I did that you don't approve of...what's the big deal??? Even worse, u were blaming it on my other frens...WTH?

I want my life to be different from you...I just need my own space, don't u get it? Don't mess with my life anymore coz I enjoy my life now...being able to be free...but u wanna say all the hurtful things especially for frens being around me & help me so much? They have their own dark sides...but that doesn't mean I'll be influenced by the likes of them...coz I know how to choose what's right or wrong for me...u never listen to any of my advices but now u expect me to listen to u? This is not a one way street babe! Slap urself & wake up! Dun expect me to be someone whom u want me to be...please understand & I'm begging u please don't make our life more miserable than this...enough with all ur wrong decisions in your life but don't control mine...coz sooner or later I couldn't take it any longer...

To my other frens...they have been great to me... :) they are... I just wanna let you know that I loved you guys so much...thanks for everything...


**I cried terribly last night feeling hurtful for the things u said abt me & my fren** Just stop...or things get really ugly...


Cry

Take My Breath Away...

I heard this song last nite...

I love to sang this song in Karaoke...
I like Jessica Simpson version of this song coz..it's more fresh sounded... hehe :)
No offence to the original singer though... :)

Anyhow this song reminds me of someone who really take my breath away...he is someone that could make me... hmmm... can't say the word really...hmmm....he take my breath away just by looking... huhuhu ;)

and his sweet gestures, talking & caring...it's kinda like...hish...no word could describe lah...hmmm...thats all lah yer... :p






Do enjoy this song...



Cilla

Rindu...

I'm missing on someone whom have been in a special place in my heart since I first time felt the big L (Love) in my life with him...

He was the first guy that I've ever loved & always will...

This song I have took from my colleague cum sista K Ajie, she said that this song somehow connected to him...my feeling for him... ;-)

If you happen to read my blog, let it be known to you that this is what I truly wanted to say to you..

Watch more YouTube videos on AOL Video

When I sing this song the other day...
I really could feel this song til I cried at one point...huhu...emo? Hmmm maybe...watever... ;P

Enjoy the song....

Kenangan...Memori

Dilemma of Relationship...

During weekend, I have an amazing time spend with this one guy...

It was quite meaningful...it's been so long since I have a guy in my life...when we tend to compare our old flame with someone new...we would never be satisfied dun we...always differentiate them...

Hmmm...the last two days spending time with him was really a different hangouts I've been to...

He were kinda great companion for me...watch movie, dinner etc...

When he ask me yesterday...where does he stand... I didn't know what to tell him... I can't say he was my friend or a lover...he was somehow special for me I guess...hehehe...

I decided to try be with him...we see how it goes ;-)

*a confession though...I need to let it out...somehow I am falling for him over & over again....my heart is breaking for him...*


Lover

Sick...& Gym Addict...

Today I woke up with the sexiest voice ever...hahahaha! Tetiber ja sore throat...padahal sudah minum byk air...hmm...normal maybe kan? hehehe..

Well, this whole week I did not write anything on my blog coz everytime I reach my home, open my FB, Blog...whenever wanna start writing, my eyes will be so sleepy...so...no update ler..tired after balik dari gym... ;)

I went to gym on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday but Friday 'off'...miss Stephen Class huhu...next week pun no Stephen class bcoz of Raya Haji... huhu...anyhow...I think my life quite great so far...work, gym & all...

Nothing interesting...hmm... today & 2moro I'm quite free...thought of going out with one of my close friend...but I dun think we're gonna meet up...coz...I have a feeling we're not... ;-)

I guess I should be looking for someone to accompany me this weekend... ;-)


Workin' it...

Aku Bukan Untukmu...

Watch more YouTube videos on AOL Video

This song remind me of someone...
A guy who have been constantly there for me...
Loves me for who I am...
Just that we were not meant to be together...



Well, enough abt sad stories... huhu... ;)

Enjoy... ;-)


Getekss ker? ;p

Dedebu Cinta...

Watch more YouTube videos on AOL Video

I heard this song in the cab...on the way back to my house in PJ...I love it...

Something to enjoy...! ;)


Cil

Happy...

I am happy today!!! U know why? Coz I can smile & laugh at the office with all sort of jokes my colleagues says to me.... Funny! Hehe... Well, my colleagues saw me as a happy go lucky person...They usually openly say anything they wanna say to me...I'm happy with them...though sometimes they do hurt me with certain words but hey...I learned to be cool...just dun wanna care so much abt critics...hehe..

Somehow, I did thought about what happen if I move to KK permanently and left all these great friends & colleagues??? One thing for sure, I will never forget them & will always cherish the memories we had together...It's definitely gonna be tough for me...but I need to try to be strong juga... ;)

I enjoyed my day...With my friends...somehow...I feel that having few good friends does help me to be more open minded, care-free, and easy going person...


Well..it is a great day indeed...and I am happy... ;-)


Cilla

2 Days…

Haven’t update my blog for the past 2 days…

Been tired with gym lately…balik rumah, cuci kain, terus tidur…but I think I’m doing fine…just that my legs quite tired lah with all the jumping, stepping, running, dancing etc… ;) But the best of all, I can easily fall asleep now…sebab tired kan…so when I lay down touch the pillow terus flat till morning…it’s a nice feeling…maybe this feeling penat will be going on for the first 2 weeks but I hope it will be my norm routine to go to gym and tryout 2 or 3 class max at one go…

At the gym, I had a quiet time on my own, focusing on my workout, focusing my target & maybe can broaden my networks by making new friends…

Last Thursday, I went for BJ class @ SPK, supporting one of my friends, Uchop doing TT in Jason’s class…It was so much fun, we laugh, we scream & we dance like we are in our own world…haha! Damn wicked! I like the vibe there!!! Amazing…! I got goosebump juga coz dunno lah… ;p

Ever since morning, I was experiencing terrible headache probably due to lack of oxygen in my brain kot…(ceh macam pandai ja)…coz I felt difficult to breath pun ada juga…but takde lah nak layan sgt…

I think it’s bcos I stop eating my BP pills tu lah yg menaikkan my BP esp now I’m always active…I took 2 pills of uphamol but the pain only gone for few hours and then it kicked back again in the evening…

But pening2 pun…sampai juga jejak kaki kat Sg Wang during lunch…nak survey something kata nyer…hehehe…I was asking a favour from K Ajie & Nieza to accompany me to search for sumthing….what is it? Hmmm…cannot tell lar… but I think I found it already…but which one..later we will know…

During night BJ class, I was fine at first but feel light dizzy je…dah bila bab pusing memusing tue…suddenly my head rush like mcm throbbing pain on my head…after BJ, I plan to join Pump but with that condition mesti I injured or fainted terus lagi susah kan? So, I relax my mind & body with hot shower…but the throbbing pain kept goin on…

I text my friend to pick me up coz I really cannot tahan the pain if I walk…gerenti sumthing bad happen kan…so I waited for my friend at SPK & she gave me a ride home…*segan nak minta tolong kt one of my friend in d gym…u know who u r hehe*


Friday

I started my Friday with a great positive mood…coz I woke up feeling rather fresh & energetic…I thought that my BP pills out of stock…rupa2nyer kat ofis plak..so I took 1 pill, then tetiber je my hyper kat ofis menjadi jadi…well, they said, Tidak Sah if Cilla tidak hyper…! Hahaha…! ;) I like making people happy…& laugh so that, they realize that Life is Wonderful if YOU choose it to be…& it’s all in ur attitude towards life…But don’t be too over la…everything in moderation… Enjoy Life! Enjoy Work! Enjoy Socialising! Enjoy Ur Free time! Enjoy Ur Private Moment Alone! Enjoy with Great Friends! And most importantly, Enjoy with ur own loving family…!

I called up my mum during lunch, I talked to my dad at first, cos I forced my mum to pass the phone to my dad…

The reason why is that…my dad had a minor Stroke last year December 08, and mostly for Stroke patients, they paralyzed half body…But for my dad’s case, his small blood vessels at the back of his head, not sure what they called it, was the place that the blood thickens…it doesn’t develop yet as a blood clot *touchwood*…but it makes my dad’s movement & his speech slows…& he can’t write properly or talk in a normal speed…last year, me & my bro bought 2 type of walking stick for him & a wheelchair so that we could bring him out from the house & go for window shopping…but he refused, even more stubborn than his normal behaviour…coz my dad is a very stubborn person…but with his condition, he makes it even more worst…*now I know where I got my stubbornness from hehe* He also didn’t want to go to church for like a month or two…refused to be seen his condition like that by people…

I was not in KK when he had the attack…it happens few days b4 I go back to KK for Christmas holiday…when I got the phone call early morning from my mum saying that their in the hospital, I broke down & cried my eyes out during my breakfast time at one the mamak’s restaurant…They didn’t call me up the night b4 bcoz my mum knows that I can’t hear things like that…My mind that time was so blank & the only thing I wanted to do was to go for EL & to be there for my dad…but there no leave available for me already…I took advance leave then bought another ticket thereafter I go back & see my dad that time…I took extra 2 days leave so overall about 2 weeks lah I went back KK…

Once arrived home, my mum said that my dad keep on asking when I’m coming back to see him…when I was really in front of him, he seems to be confused at first…doesn’t seem to recognize me…he didn’t wanna talk either when I try talking to him…My mum said he doesn’t want me & my bro to see him in that state…so he only speak to my mum…never wants to open his mouth if me & my bro wanted to talk to him…I hold back my tears when I look at his face…no expression…my mum ask if he remember who I was…I barely hear his answer but he nodded…and said “ingatt..” I went to my room, I cried a little from the tears that I hold… Me & my bro determined to find any info abt Stroke…the medical supply, therapy & all… Got some assistance from my uncles & aunties juga lah that time….

Well, this entry kinda makes me remember that ‘turbulent’ time…But to make long story short…I forced my mum to pass the phone to my dad bcoz I wanted him to practice his speech…I talked to him…ask him how he was doing…what he normally do during lunch time…what food he eats…tapi last2…me pula yg kena marah…haha…my dad… always like that…but he’s improving...he can walk now without any support…he can slow jog…& can walk down & up the stairs without us…he can bath on his own…eat on his own…I was very happy to talk to him…

Oh yess…not forgetting Bibi Echa! My cousin’s daughter…She can recognize my voice from the phone already…everytime I call my mum, she always pass the line to Echa…& when she hears my voice, she will start mumbling & laughing…cute!!! I wanna a baby!! ***Tiba2 plak…*** Yalah…if u want baby, u must find the ‘father’ first…kan?

Eeiissshhh….na mau fikir dulu boleh? But I want a baby… huhuuu…
***Mix story ler nieh***



Big & Beautiful Daughter to my Dad & Echa’s Favourite Aunty… *Haha!*

Great BJ Class!!

Woohooo!

I am damn damn damn tired lah babe! I workout just now for Body Attack & BodyJam...!

I can't do Pump juz now cos Attack class was really my 'Everest' at the moment coz alot of jumping & running...But BJ class also tested my stamina juz now coz of the mix track yg mmg giler punyer penatss...but I really had a great time in BJ juz now...**boleh lah jugak menyumbang kan suara bising kt class huahauhau** The feeling was phenomenal & kudos to Zaza for great class...& also Uchop the 'special guest' instructor for the night...

Honestly, I enjoyed BJ class very much juz now...a great feeling there...**** :p

Now my body aching badly...my eyes are so sleepy...and juz plain tired... got some things wanna update here...but I'm just so sleepy I can type anything on my mind right now yg tersirat dan yg tersurat pun ader...**hish takut la habis pecah rahsia yer** heheheh...

Anyway...tats all for now...

**To my fren...*u know who u r...Miss you dear* Biler I ckp I miss tue...mmg genuine tue okeh? hehehe*

P/S : 2moro another day to survive lagi...oh God! Give me strength..!


Tired BJ fans

Change & Long Lost Friends...

I got a suprised phone call during my lunch hour today...it was from a long lost college friend back in 1999...

She was one of my best friend in Stamford College...we were very close last time...she's very rough type of lady & very 'ganas' lah sort of...the way she talks, acts...etc...but she's a very good friend to me...

We hangout alot at her uncle Cyber Cafe last time...& we loved to MIRC that time...zaman2 chatting tgh hot time tu uolsss hahaha! Very best lah time tue...study...chat...study...chat...went to games arcade & just play games all day long with our guy friends especially during weekends and after class...

I was abit of a tomboy myself that time, she was talking to me on the phone during noon, and I was suprised by her statement... ' Cilla, dari suara ko, mcm saya rasa sia tidak kenal sudah Cilla yg dulu...ganas, wild & tough...cara ko cakap pun mcm sudah jadi control ayu gitu...and ko pun mcm berubah sudah...lain lah hehe'...

I feel kinda weird though...well, I know I have changed...so much in terms of clothing especially but I know I have changed my perception abt life and my behaviour have developed to be a matured adult...so I learn to grow up I think really...there are still some part of me which hold my hidden wild, tomboy & tough personality & only need to be shown during emergency only kot...haha! ;p

Anyway, back to my friend...she was quite happy with my improved self....but she wants to see me lor when I get back to KK this December...how? how? Malu lar if she still see me with my body camnieh juga....no changes....kah kah kah....**Okay...another reason to push myself kan** Urrgghh!! Huahuahauhaua... ;p

I enjoy talking to her...and I'm sorry that I neglected her calls for these few years...she has been trying to call me since like after we finish our Diploma Level 1, but I never return her calls...so now I determined to patch things up with her again...Huhu! **mcm org byk dosa plak I nieh kan**

It's a great feeling connecting with old friends again...I missed all of them so much... :)

When there's a friend of mine mentioned sumthing abt friendship also today, I know that we all too feel the same way... as we grow old, we tend to have new friends but...it still comes down to our old friend that matters the most coz old friends reminds us how we were used to be...when we never knew abt life difficulties...and all we know just enjoy urselves...

Well...things changed, so do people around us...even our climate changes... hehehe ;)

Seize the moment...appreciate what u have now...great friendship that builts...new relationship...coz u just never know when God can take it all away just like a flash of lightning without a warning...& when the moments over, u cannot revive what u have lost & feel of regretting are the worst thing that u felt from the heart...& it will eat u alive ler...! ;p


Great Friendship

Sushi! Sushi! Sushi! ;p

Okay...I'm guilty then..haha!

I was supposed to be on a good & healthy diet but...I just had a great dinner @ Sakae Sushi KLCC & it was damn nice & ambik byk pula tue...!!! I can't stop ler...Honestly, last saturday went to Sushi King Mid Valley costs abt RM 60++ for 2 of us...then just now costs us abt RM 65++ for 2 person jugak lah...

Well...in my defence, sushi can be considered as healthy food kan? Huhu...*alasan bah ni* Okay...I think I'll make it up by going for Attack 2moro ler...I try hehe... :)

Don't know lately I've been craving for Sushi since last week...and I think I can eat it again & again & again & again....hahaha...maybe for another week...belum rasa muak lagi nieh...*I can still dream abt sushi at the moment haha*

Well, I enjoy eating sushi now...it's my new addiction for food ... ;p

*Thanks to the friend whom always bring me to the best food in town* Haha! ;p


Sushi obsessed

Penat Tahap Maksima...!

Sgt lah penat dgn mula aktifnya gym nieh...Kepenatan tahap dewa lah org kata...huhu...

Tapi pembakar semangat dlm diri menjadi motivasi utk tidak berputus asa...dan lebih2 lagi sokongan dari kawan2 yg tak putus2...memang lah certain drpd mereka lebih memerli i rather than membina semangat i...tapi i tak kisah...sebab I tau mereka ambil berat sebenarnya...reverse pyschology ler kononnyer... huahauhaua....tapi takper...janji I cuba gak utk workout habis2an...

Hari nie record buat 3 class...walaupun yg last class buat half jer...tapi suker...enjoy! Saya boleh tenangkan fikiran & relax...lupa kejap pasal kerja...walaupun buat Body Pump amatlah stressful tapi...stress yg best... :P

Body Step pula...Fuh...mmg giler...rasa mcm I punya body nak hancur je rasa bersama dgn tulang2 kat badan nieh...tapi...I lawan habis2 penat itiew & berjaya habiskan kelas tu gak...Lega rasa...

Lepas tu...mmg tak nak dah masuk kelas BJ, tapi atas dorongan geng2 BJ...*pantang yer...BJ is like a drug to me* Mesti gatal badan nak join...apa lagi? There I was menari gak... but half way...mmg dah penat giler...so I keluar half way...

Huhu...rasa rugi juga tak habiskan kelas tapi....I satisfied...I balik rumah felt tired sgt...makan something light then now Blogging, FBing...pasni...nak tido...Rehat cukup2!!!

Nanti Wednesday ada favourite class Wooohoooo! *tgh fikir nak gi gym esok ke tak*


Tired 'Gaban' *heheheh...perasan ;p*

Is it just a 'Crush'...

Well...let the song says itself...whether it's meant for someone or not... ;)
Enjoy this... **How I wish...*

Everyone have an 'Angel' by their side...

Whenever I feel vulnerable, weak or hopeless...I will always think of you...

My Angel... ;)




I sit and wait does an Angel contemplate my fate'
And do they know the places where we go when we're gray and old'
Cuz I have been told, that salvation let's their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed, thoughts running through my head and I feel the love is dead,
I'm loving angel instead

CHORUS:
And through it all,
He offers me protection, a lot of love, and affection
whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall, wherever it may take me,
I know that life won't break me when I come to call.
He won't forsake me, I'm loving angel instead.

When I'm feeling weak and my pain walks down, a one way street
I look above and I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows, He brings flesh to my bones and when the love is dead,
I'm loving angel instead

CHORUS:
And through it all,
He offers me protection, a lot of love, and affection
whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall, wherever it may take me,
I know that life won't break me when I come to call
He won't forsake me, I'm loving angel instead

Do Love Really Hurts?

I saw this poem somewhere...it touch my heart when I first read it...

Something for us to ponder...abt love... ;-)

POEM 1

Look at these eyes
and these sweet lips
look a little deeper
and maybe you will see
that this girl you are looking for
was she really exist?

Quit saying you care for me.
For once.. just show that you love me.

Life is like a dream
you always wake up to the truth
and sometimes it sucks

When the last teardrop falls
I will stand tall
And hold onto the memories
Of how you used to be

When someone really loves you,
they will never hurt you.
And if they do,
you can see it in their eyes
that it hurts them too...

It's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice
and not hurting people's feelings,
and standing up
for what you believe.

We take a risk
when we open our hearts
because the truth is,
if we open our hearts,
we will get hurt.
You can’t open your heart
and not have some hurt
because you’re in a
human experience.
Even if it’s the love of your life
and you have many wonderful,
deepening, growing,
powerful years together,
it’s a human experience
and that person will pass over.
Love takes courage.
Be courageous.

If you don't know,
then ask me.
If you don't agree,
then argue with me.
If you don't like,
then say it to me.
But don't keep silent
and judge me.



POEM 2

I don't need anyone to take advantage
of my weaknesses or my strengths,
I need someone who will appreciate
me for everything that I am.

People won't remember what you did.
People won't remember what you said.
But, people will remember how you made them feel.

True love is falling in love with your best friend,
and only then, will you find the meaning of happiness.

Never say 'I like you' if you don't care.
never talk about feelings if they're not there.
never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.

It's hard to live alone,
its hard to choose someone to love,
but the hardest part of falling
is to admit that you have fallen in love
with someone you didn't mean to love from the start...

We all want to fall in love.
Why? Because that experience
makes us feel completely alive.
Where every sense is heightened,
every emotion is magnified,
our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon.
But that doesn't diminish its value.
Because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.

Love is not measured by how you feel,
but how you make the other person feel.

When traveling the path of life,
and finding love along the way,
everything looks new and different.
Little do you know it is the same old landscape
you used to see all of the time;
love has just given you new eyes.

GOD puts a certain person in our Lives for a Reason,
And whatever Reason that GOD
had in mind for putting you into mine...
I don't mind... I am just thankful HE did.

Love may mean taking chances, but their worth taking.

Love, is letting go of fear

So often we don't say 'I love you'
because we fear losing someone,
but more often we lose them
because we fear saying 'I love you'

If you love someone, tell them...
for hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.



Love Hurt? Or Love changes everything...

Body Ache!

I gotta say this...

MY BODY REALLY DAMN TIRED & EXCRUCIATINGLY IN PAIN ALL OVER!!!

But I think I still have burning torch inside me to do this...I try to keep it up...God how i wish this is easy...give me strength & energy...and motivation please! If I lose concentration then habislah! lose focus...hehehe...

Well...that's all for now... I just wanna say that working out at the gym always fun! Stress reliever *from work jer*...


Keep it up Cilla! Work it babe!

It's My Life Anyway...

I just wanna say that...

This is my life anyway...for what I have to listen to ur say everytime? I have my own brain...I'm not stupid...I think I'm matured enough to make my own decision on what's wrong or right...I am feeling rather happy now...on top of the world even...but it seems that you can't accept that the fact!

And your behaviour keeps me at bay...I had enough! And I'm just too tired to care for your feelings already...All this while I have been nothing but be a good fren to you...now what happen?

I dun wanna keep repeating...I'm just letting my feelings out...

Btw, a friend in need is a friend indeed...u know it better...


This is my life anyway...and there's nothing you can do stop me doing what I wanna do right now...if you perceived me as a bad, evil and wild person...whatever suits u...go ahead...I won't bother abt u or anybody's feeling anymore...I just shut one eyes & just ignore other ppl's feeling...this is what I wanted & I am HAPPY....GET IT?!


So stop F***ing ur life & move forward!

My Body Is Wonderland...

I have been started to go to the gym regularly now...to de-stress, to release, to relax (hmm...relax kew?), to lose weight * i know lots of ppl heard me saying this but no changes juga, so now I wanna push myself to the another level...and try again... and some more...gym can be a place for you to have fun *BJ class ultimate class for me*

Tuesday, I went for Body Step class...tired & my leg feel excruciating painful...but I continue till the end of the class...Then yesterday, wednesday BJ class...was quite tiring too...BJ 49...well, there were many special memories there in BJ 49...always remembered...some things just cannot be erased especially as sweet as these... ;)

Just now, I went for BJ class @ SPK & Body Pump..It was an ultimate workout...now my arms and legs are painful & shaky...hehehe...well, no pain no gain....

I wanted to concentrated on doing gym things now...bcos I promised someone that I'll try.... ;) I owe that someone...


Tired like dead but I think I am happy...

The Day That I Let Go...

Yes...today is 'the Day' I let it all go...

Today is the day that I realise I can't control...

And today is a special day that I suddenly feel like I just dun wanna care so much anymore...When ppl just don't care abt our feelings...why should we bothered? Well, I learn something everyday of my life...my personal life, my work...everything...! Sometimes I learn good & some even bad things...No need to elaborate further...

It's just that...I'm tired...tired of thinking things that are so irrelevant for me to think about...I just wanna forget all this...and be done with it...

From now on...I just wanna kept myself in a place where I can just have a peace of mind and I just wanna let go all...


I'm giving up

Thinking Of You

A great & strong relationship is not something easily built...and it's not something we can easily get...we have to 'work' for that relationship....and lots of compromising is needed...really...

I'm not in any relationship at the moment & whenever I saw a pair of 'lovebird'...I somehow wish that I could have that once again...maybe I will in the future...but for now...I am enjoying myself with friends who have been a great companion for me...*well, some ppl might say this is a pathetic person saying but who cares...I do love all of my friends that I have now*

It's not easy for me to find love again right now...When we have tested the best, it's not easy to settle with someone whom comes second...

Yes, I learned love from the best...and I learn it from you baby... there will never come a day that I stop regretting to have let you go from my life...& how I wish God could give me a chance & give me a time machine to turn back time & make things the way I wanted...but...that's my selfish side 'talking'...

Whatever it is...I could never love anyone so deeply as much as I have loved you...& I never stop loving...

This song I wanna share it with you...so you know...how I feel everyday of my life without u...until I have find someone else...


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Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed
You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it
I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes
I'd like to stay...
Stay...

It's Almost A Bootie Call...

Hmmm...I think the song says it all...

But whatever it is, I am glad that it didn't...This song meant something... :)

all saints - bootie call- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now x8

Never stop giving good love coz that's why I call you for,(yo, whats up, baby?)

Never stop, baby, give it up coz I know where it came from,you got more...

I like playing games and if it's all the same,

You could bring it on with the rough stuff,

then, give me your love,

I don't wanna be tame...

I need a man to be a real man, in order what I got in store,

Always finish what you start baby,

I know it's heaven,you beg for more,

You know I wanna be diggy down boy, but I don't get around,

Jimmy has to ride in your pocket or lock him in your wallet,

It's just a bootie call.....

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now (its a bootie call)

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now (its just a bootie call)

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now (its a bootie call)

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now (its just a bootie call)

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now x2

Giving you what is, baby, names are always good to have,

you never let me down,

I'm always happy when you make me laugh,

but don't try to find this heart of mine,

emotions don't come into my head,

So don't be misled, my heart doesn't need to be bled,

Only trying to be smart baby, don't need the rollercoaster ride,

I've been it, seen it and done it all yeah, yeah,

Don't want you messing with my mind,

So don't be a fool, keep this as your number one rule,

Good loving is not always from the heart, you gotta be smart,

ha ha, stay just the way you are....(its a bootie call)

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now (its a bootie call)

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now (its just a bootie call)

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now (its a bootie call)

Bring it on, bring it, bring it on now (its just a bootie call)

Don't leave me here to be, baby,

Its a bootie call, its a bootie call,its a bootie, its a bootie call. x2

please hang up and try you call againplease hang up now this is a re-recording

Megan Fox So Damn HOT & SEXY!!!!

I have a funtastic sunday...! It's been quite some time we'd done this...

It was kinda weird though...the feeling...coz now, we don't share stories as much, seldom hang out together & we talk serious business only...

During our so called day out together...there are some issues that we could never just settle...hmmm dah our norm..but I feel kinda happy...so happy...! Coz I am really happy...I have great new groups of friends, ppl & most importantly...my family...

Me & my friend run some errands of our own & we booked Jennifer's Body tickets. At first I was quite hesitant to see it...the preview itself damn scary...I thought I won't be able to enjoy it as much...but at the end...I enjoyed the movie...! Great one! It was kinda gross & sgtsss violent...but Megan Fox makes it so cool! Hahaha...!

Megan Fox are goddess of beauty...! She's so beautiful & too damn hot people! A girl like me can never be look so good like her...! Just gorgeous...! Urrghh, jealous ler...how I wish I could have that body & the sex appeal/symbol attitude to kill for...

Well, I gotta say this...today's outing is like a therapy for us...indeed, as u said, it's long broken... :)

You know what? No matter what I have or do today, No one can take what U & I shared for the past 10 years of our life together...as best friend...


Remember that...


Always your friend forever...

Wheather Change…as we sing our heart out @ Red Box!!

11.35pm – Oct 31, 2009
Yesterday was quite a tiring day but fun ladies nite out indeed!!

I had two consecutive nite out & having fun…*seriously, I’m just too old for this…* haha… but damn I have the best time…especially with great & happening girlfriends…

I love Karaoke…so much…! Wanna make me happy? Bring me to any of Red Boxes, give me a mic, & 3 hours of non stop singing extravanganza…is all it takes to cheer me up! Seriously…hehehehe ;p

We spend the night singing our heart out…Dance & sing…! And not forgetting with buffet okeh?? Food nice…great handsome waiters…hehehe what a view uolss…!

My friend send me back all the way to my house in PJ though she was living in KL…sweet dear… luv ya dear muaaahhh…! ;)

Great talk with her…and I’m happy with her around too…sometimes the way she said things to me…makes it so easier to do… I like her attitude…& amazing la! I chatted with her in FB till the wee hours of morning…abt lots of stuff…hmm secret ler…kan kan kan dear? Hehe.. ;)

I enjoy our conversation dear…something new in my life to think about…

I sleep around 6am then woke up at 10am…lambat dah gi keje…so rushing to office manage to arrived around 11.45 hehe…Be a post women for a day…huahuahuah….! Sambil2 lipat surat, me & my colleague watch Twilight in our PC…hmmm…romantic movies lagi… enough2 lah with the lovey dovey mood… like ppl said makin tua…makin lah menjadi jadi…kah kah kah!!


Penyanyi Getiissss *haha*

A Night To Remember...

I wanted to blog everyday...but I missed out one day coz of shits that happens to me & I was home away...

Thursday was a bad day for me...to begin with...but ends with a memory...of you...

Some things happens for a reason...that morning arguement was surely reach my limit...I have no one to turn to...I felt so miserable...I dun want to depend on some people that I have troubled so much...

I let myself decide what's the best way for me to handle my misery...

Simple...find some entertainment...that's what I previously did last time I had issues...What I did was to divert my reach to the limit feelings of fed up, tired and I had enough of trouble from you...to the next level!!

You purposely find things just to hurt me since the week before, I need to walk away...! And that's what I did...pack my bags...& storm out!

I wanted to be alone...I need to get a peace of my mind...

I had great talk & dinner with a friend of mine...quite worried abt me..
*dun worry, I feel great that night... & I tak dijual pun kat Chow Kit...haha! No need to worry to pick me up ;p*

...wandering in KL...well, I was waiting for him...after he fetch me up...went to Finnegan's & have drinks & partying with his friends...it turn out to be a very great night outing...did some joyride around Klang Valley...well I'm glad that I'm okay now...

I wanted to do something different...that was quite scary kinda thing to do but...all good beb! Lucky me!

And that night...I realised something... I found out that;

Men will always be men...

Men are sweet talker...
Men are so unpredictable...
Men can be complicated sometimes...
Men have high sensitivity too...

Well, it was a crazy night...I was damned tired & sore when I go in for work on Friday morning...but I managed to control it... put up my face to a professional cute level hahaha...some friends who's worried sick abt me was relief to find me going to the office...hahaha I know it's crazy...but what else to do right?

Maybe I'm too old for all this already... hehehe...all night out...penattssss!

But after what I did, it makes someone misses me more..and appreciate me when I came back...I hope u learn from my disappearance...

Coz u know what? I certainly get what I want that night... ;)
Freedom...Freedom...Freedom...!!!!


Once A Night Crawler

Being Naive...& Blogging...

There were lots of people who knows me very well...Some new friends, some old friends...

But what really caught my attention is...when these people says that I am naive person...I think its true...yes no doubt abt it....

Not naive...but I think I am someone who do not want to see the bad side of a person...and I try to see the best of them...understand what I mean...?
Simple...I look for what I like & enjoy abt them...and then accepting them in my life...yeah in a way...naive or ppl always says I am miss goody two shoes...

I trust people easily, whatever they say, whatever they do for me...I'm a person whom easily touched by someone's gesture...it's not difficult to please me...

Actually at this very moment, I dunno what to say really...I'm blogging as early as 6am...as juz now I had alot of things I wanna say... but got 'disturbing' comments from a friend...saying this & that abt me...my behaviour, blogging too much.. bla bla bla...get a life dear! Please dun mess with my life...! *Change topic please*

Being naive means I will expose myself to vulnerability and letting ppl see my innocence...I learn something new yesterday...but no further elaboration is needed...I try not to repeat that again...

Whatever it is, blogging is like my therapy...I can say whatever I want...speak my mind...but don't you think too much info expose will lead to something...okay...another lesson's learned...

I'm hating this feeling that I feel now...
Feel like I'm losing again...
I feel something is not right...
I felt like everything I do or think or say, always end up hurting ppl...

Gosh...why is this happening again...? I don't want this...

From now on, some secrets are meant to be kept for my own good... some can shared, some are mean to be secret forever...I gotta stop..!

I am thinking of changing something, my way... ;)

Naive Girl

Just Need To Let Out My Emotions...

Tonite...this wee hours of morning...I feel soooooooo happy!!! Hahahah..

You know why ler... ;)

I really wanna say that...I always love & enjoy talking to you dear...Since the start, I enjoyed it...Fun! Happy! Sharing! Laughing! Best moments....! Ye lah...for some ppl...this is terlebih emo...but who cares?! I'm feeling the best feeling in the world...! Wooohhoooo..!

You will always have that special place in my life.... gittuuu... *fuh best nyer ayatsss...haha* But sincerely dear...I mean it! Ahaks! ;)

That's what friends are for...

Thanks for the talks...I really need that! Hahaha!! Muaaahhhh.... ;)


Your krazey friend kata nyer... ;p

Ready To Rumbleeeee...!!! You Found Your Match...

Hmmm...I think someone found their match already...

Hahaha...Something weird happening right now...Just when we taught it was the end, there always new things to be discovered...and now this...hmmm...so so interesting...

I think I'm ready to see the rumbleeeeee...!!

Things supposed to be easy becomes like this...I dunno why ler..why ah? Some ppl just never want to let things go....and be happy...but for me...I know I can always put on my poker face...and smile...to everyone...! But why u wanna mess it up with lots of ppl?

Never show our sadness to other ppl & let ppl see our vulnerability...sooner or later they will use it to against u...so do you... ;)

Well...this is just damn interesting, u found ur match dear...! Maybe u mess with the the wrong person that is more rebellion now...last time it was with different type of ppl...now this...hmmm...I dun wanna get involved...

Gud Luck!


Rebel

Memori Cinta...

Saya ingin membawa satu kelainan...pada blog saya...hehehe...cuba2 lah nieh guna bahasa melayu...


Untuk beberapa hari ni, memang byk benda berlaku...benda baru, benda berulang...semua ada... Walaupun dalam jiwa saya ini byk kekalutan, perbalahan dan bergelut dgn masalah yg tidak pandai selesai...setiap kali sebelum saya melelapkan mata...saya akan cuba mengingati benda2 indah atau kenangan yg best2 gituu...dan salah satu ialah...memori cinta saya yg pertama...org ckp itu cinta monyet...cinta bangku sekolah...tapi untuk saya...itu cinta pertama yg abadi, tulus & penuh dengan liku2 perjalanan yg tak sudah walaupun Dia kini sudah lama dimiliki oleh yg lain...

Perkenalan kami bermula cuma kenal biasa2 saja...dari agensi pelancongan...kebetulan masa tu, keluarga saya merancang untuk ke Australia...dari saling bertukar telefon, saling bertanya kabar & berbual...kami mula rapat...tapi saya tidak pernah sangka, org seperti saya 'layak' untuk seseorang ingin memiliki...saya sedar diri saya siapa...tapi usia muda remaja...ingin mencuba...Dia menang dan berjaya menarik hati saya ke genggaman dia...Lamaran menjadi bulan dia, saya terima tanpa berfikir...walaupun dlm 2 purnama perkenalan...masih baru...tapi tidak apa...hati muda semua berani mencuba...

Disebabkan dia jauh, kami cuma berjumpa setiap dua minggu, kalau dia dapat turun...maklumlah...dia guru sandaran...kadang2 ada kerja lebih hari sabtu...Hubungan jarak jauh membantu untuk saya dan dia untuk merindui antara satu sama lain lebih mendalam lagi....bila berjumpa, memang saat yg paling manis...dan senyuman melonjak riang dlm hati saya terus ke dakapan dia...

Apa yg membuatkan saya tertarik dgn dia ialah sikap kematangan & semangat dia...seseorang yg mempunyai perasaan sensitif & tidak pernah jemu membuatkan saya ketawa dgn sikap dia yg bersahaja kalau mengambil hati saya setiap kali saya merajuk...al maklumlah...remaja okeh...layan benda2 gedikss remaja...walaupun saya amatlah bersifat tomboy masa itu...tapi cara dia melayani saya membuatkan saya lahirkan ciri2 & sifat2 keperempuanan yg ada dlm diri saya...Sikap dia yg terlalu menyayangi saya membuatkan saya susah untuk bernafas kalau dia tidak ada, kadang2 keliru, tidak tentu arah...tapi bila dia tinggalkan note pada saya setiap kali kami berjauhan...dan note2 itu lah meyakinkan cinta kami bukan cinta biasa...Kadang2 saya bersuara bertanya...ada apa dgn saya...walau skrg pun dia sudah dimiliki...jawapan dia masih sama seperti dulu... "Bcoz Love comes to me after you...You always be my angel...Mine..." Ntah kenapa saya tidak habiskan hidup saya dgn dia...Saya tahu itu keputusan saya sendiri...Kedegilan saya sendiri...Tidak mahu tapi sebenarnya mahu... tapi saya tidak boleh pentingkan diri...

Kenapa saya putuskan hubungan hebat ini dgn Dia...?

Nantikan update saya akan dtg...sambungan... end pt 1

Pentas Mula & Akhirnya...

Saya menulis cerita ini utk pengamatan semua...Berkisar mengenai sesuatu peristiwa... Selami...



Bermula kita mengenali di pentas
Kau adalah pewaris sementara
Satu perkenalan...satu perasaan
Menjadi lah teman

Dikait cerita
Tangis pun ada
Perit lagi lah terasa
Sama lah kita

Dua tiga pengembaraan
Aduh...peristiwa
Pernah kah disangka
Di sini akhirnya

Kan aku sulam memori
Sisa yg kita kongsi
Kalau Dia menjadi saksi
Doakan ini amatlah bererti

Cuba memahami
Apa yg bererti
Payah menyelubungi
Perkongsian tak dipeluangkan hati

Seperti biasa
Tak wujud sedia kala
Kau artis pejuang
Aku sentiasa anggapnya bertentang

Kalau disepak pipi kiri
Aku mampu bersedih
Namun diterajang pipi kanan
Malu & menyerah lah aku takdir

Ini doa
Ampun
Dilukai adalah aku
Jangan lah dilupai...teman

Di mana mula
Di situ akhir
Aku tersenyum kita bersua
Berjiwa lah kita atas pentas yg diukir...



Written By,
Cilla
25/10/2009

Cuba Fahami 'Ada Apa Dengan Cinta'...

I'm thinking about posting something different today...Here goes...

Apa yg bakal saya coretkan di sini... adalah cuba mencari nafas baru utk blog saya yg tidak lah seberapa hebat ini...Satu puisi yg diluahkan oleh Rangga dlm filem Ada Apa Dengan Cinta...

Cinta ada lah sesuatu yg sukar utk kita fahami...saya pun tidak terkecuali merasainya...ya, cinta memang indah...tapi pernah kah mudah utk memahami lagi puisi ini...


Puisi Rangga I

Kulari ke hutan kemudian teriakku
Kulari ke pantai kemudian menyanyiku
Sepi... sepi..dan sendiri aku benci
Aku mau bingar... aku mau di pasar
Bosan aku dengan penat
Dan enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika kusendiri... ...
Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai...
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh...
Aih... ada malaikat menyulam
Jarring laba laba belang di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tak goyangkan saja...Loncengnya...
Biar terdera
Atau aku harus lari ke pantai
Belok ke hutan... .



Puisi Rangga II

Perempuan datang atas nama cinta
Bunda pergi karena cinta
Digenangi air racun jingga adalah wajahmu
Seperti bulan lelap tidur di hatimu
yang berdinding kelam dan kedinginan
Ada apa dengannya
Meninggalkan hati untuk dicaci
Lalu sekali ini aku melihat karya surga
dari mata seorang hawa
Ada apa dengan cinta

Tapi aku pasti akan kembali
dalam satu purnama
untuk mempertanyakan kembali cintanya..

Bukan untuknya, bukan untuk siapa
Tapi untukku
Karena aku ingin kamu
Itu saja.



Hasil nukilan Rangga ini mempunyai maksud tersiratnya tersendiri...Selami...



Aku, Saya, Diriku...

It's Over....

I'm glad the dilemma is over...
I'm glad the burden is over...
But this end kinda makes me wonder...
Is it worth it to go in the blunder...

I stop this thing...
What we call it...a fling...?
Does it make a bell ring...?
Or am I flying without wings...?

There are just so many mysteries...
That creates a drama series...
All I want is to feed by cherries...
With love of you, I want to cherish...

I dun't wanna think abt it anymore...
I just stop pretending that I care more...
I guess there's just one thing for sure...
I'd be thinking fondly of you to my core



The end

Untitled

Mmm...I felt like blogging 2nite...I have been updating my blog almost everyday lately coz...it eases me...soothes me...somehow I can release things...

My aunt sort of wrote something on my FB...it seems that for them, seeing me fall sick here in KL somehow a bad omen for abandoning my parents at KK...why? Is it so difficult? I have decided to go back next yr...why are they pressuring me? Was I whining abt my sickness...? I guess that's the problem if we add families in our FB huh? Or relative? It's juz no privacy at all...between us and our cycles of friends...well..I learn a lesson again today...never update ur problems in FB...hehe!

I guess I cannot say anything abt my health, my personal issues etc...hmmm...Ok..! Done! Hehe...

I've been thinking abt giving something extraodinary for my friend...A very good friend...but I dunno whether its doable or not...can it be ready on time? will my friend accept it or not? hmm...I hope that everything's well...just want to give...thats all... :)

I shared something with a friend again today...abt my ex-bf during high school...hmm..nice stories...well a little bit of girlie stories ler yg di shared tu...but I enjoyed remininscing good memories kan? :) Sweet memories...

I miss my favourite BJ class today due to my sickness...sakit ja kerja saya nie..hmm..bila mau berubah malas pulak...aduuii...BJ class @ Maxis with Zaza and Halloween theme...I dun like it when I missed my class esp my wednesday class...Huuuwwaaa!!! I dun like it la...! Tapi doctor said ...rest ur stomach...nanti if got reaction lagi susah...huhu... :( I missed one class but I won't be missing it other times again...okeh? This I promise to...myself...There are just something special abt that particular class lah...for me... :)

Well...that's all what I want to share for now...No title for this entry coz it's a mixture of all things kan?



Un-sign

Asthma & Food Poisoning...?

Yesterday was just a simply terrible day for me...

During lunch, okey je... boleh ketawa2, makan nasi goreng penang, chit chat with friends..mmg best la...after went back to my workstation...I felt abit dizzy, mcm loya2 pun ada juga...*hmm, I know what u're thinking*...I felt like vomitting...tapi tahan ja..until one time I feel that I cannot tahan already...I went to the toilet...abt 15 mins standing there...still fighting to not vomit *I dun like vomitting, it's been 5-6 yrs since I last vomit like crazy okeh* but suddenly I feel that the time is up, I vomitted big time...not a great scene...I throw up another 15 minutes...the food that I ate all gone, water, etc...I think my stomach also almost went out from my mouth haha..

After that excruciating throw up, I was unable to concentrate my work already that time...felt dizzy & feel like fever... I threw up another 4-5 times in the office until it came out almost yellowish thingy & water...I cried alone in the toilet...I dun like that situation...I cried and cried...it's normal lah right? but not for me...*I will not be eating that Nasi Goreng Penang for a looonnnggggg timeeee I guarantee you haha*

That nite I went to clinic, b4 I went to the doctor's, I threw up in the clinic's toilet again...doctor said my stomach upset, severe food poisoning...she gave me some salts, meds for vomit, stomach ache & fever...

But this morning I still vomit after eating porridge so, since I need to go to see my skin specialist at Assunta...I ask the doctor abt my condition...he injects me to stop the vomitting & for my skin problem he said it's related to my asthma...hmm.. how unlucky I am...He did gave me some ventolin to ease my breathing for my asthma, he mentioned to me that asthma attack is not just by difficulty of breathing...it also can be to your skin...I dun understand that but yeah, my mum did also inform me on that...well, gonna accept that this disease will always follow me...only that I must find ways to prevent it from happening....and doctor said...don't stress! Usually he said, stress lead to potential asthma attack and my skin rashes...but why pimples??! Hate it! Sudah lah mau bayar mahal..Mmm Okey...

I'm feeling quite better now but my stomach really killing me...after few advices & concerns from my friend...ahaks...it 'cured' me in some way lah...haha *time sakit nieh lah keluar sifat2 manja terlebih nieh*...eeee I like that... ;p

Anyway...I am really so gonna miss Antu BJ class @ Maxis on wednesday...Zaza class...huuuwwaaaaaa!! Doctor said cannot go first...cos jumping2 will make my stomach ache worsen...ye lah...dalam kereta pun if got bumps on the road, dah make me feel like throwing up..apa lagi if nak buat Shabam Shabam punya move kan? Hahaha...!

To my friend....Jam to d max for me ya...! I nk jadi Antu BJ Shabam Shabam juga...! Dance for me dear! We meet next week ler...huhuhu...Rinnnddduuuu....


Poisoned

Building Friendship Is Easy...Maintaining It Is Difficult...

I come across one statement from someone...friendship is not a game...well duh! since when it becomes a game dear?? I ask myself that question, have anybody says that friends are our game of life...hell no! So what kind of statement is that?! A meaningless statement I'd say...sorry just being mean, cold & honest here...

But it's different for Love though... Love is a game...! Not friendship...! If you choose love for a man rather than your respect for a friend...then, you messed it up... BIG TIME! And losing a friend's trust, losing a friend's loyalty, losing a friend's care would be getting onto you...

That's just how life is...we learn from our mistakes...I trust a friend of mine once whom so close to me & thought that she would never hurt me...but betrayal for a man? Just not worth it...! I caught them in the act! Both of them...! Both were my best friends...that was like 8 yrs ago...Why does the memory still fresh in my mind...? Simply because, I let it control my mind...my dark history, my pain, my anger...somehow you said you'd changed...ask me for a second chance...I did! So after all these yrs, what did I get? The next betrayal...and this time, what? When you warned me abt things to bring back home...I followed ur orders...but did you listen to my orders when I said I'm not comfortable? Did you? Don't point your fingers at me telling me that I'm making a big fuss out of it...if you haven't started it! I had enough of your whining...and begging sympathy from me!

This is not friendship...this is a living hell...I stop things that I enjoy...I sacrificed everything to make you happy...but is that what friends supposed to do...? Friends supposed to make us happy, laughing, listening to our sadness, share stories...but not this...

Yeah...it's true I have other friends now...maybe they are not that close to me, maybe they weren't there as much as you do...but less time spending happy moments with them were more than enough than living a lifetime having one friend only like you...

Sorry, I didn't hate you...I never stop caring abt you...it's just that it's time for me to stop being the stupid teenager who always protective of my friends...& I'm tired being your comfort pillow everytime you make your judgement wrong when I told you so...& after you hurt me this time around...there must be things to let go... there won't be any room for mercy anymore..

Well, there's another one statement that I saw that captured my attention..."Don't whine too much, or else God will take it all back..."

That is 110% true dear! Well, this is gonna be my end to this dilemma...no more whinning abt you or your so so complicated life...I have an easy life last time..and I wasted it..but supposed I be glad kan? I do wish though, when the day that God take it all away from us...that's the day you will look back, longing for the times...we had been thru ups & downs of life that I never ever leave you...never...not once I abandoned you though how much my heart always hurting...

I think now...with lots of people around me...becoming more important to me (you know who u guys are)...I want to be good friends for them...cos they know what they are doing...and so matured...and that's what I want...not this... :)

My hidden prayer for you...all the best for your life endeavours...we are still friends...but was this friendship built to be maintain...? You decide...


Peace to you...

Ku Tahu Kau Rindu...

This song was popularised by Ratu Rock Malaysia @ Ella & a friend of mine always...I mean it..always sings this song whenever we go for Karaoke session...I like her version rather than Ella...giittiieeww ahaks! For that friend...here's ur song beb! Enjoy ! ;p

The lyrics kinda make me remininsce back my 'tragic love' last time too...but that has been long dead & gone...now I'm stronger... *I think hehe*


">


Ku tahu kau rindu
Sejakku meninggalkanmu
Ku tahu kau pilu
Bimbangku melupakanmu

Sejak kau lukakan hatiku
Mempermain cinta suciku
Siang dan malam tangisi
Silamku

Kasih sayangku yang bersemi
Kau tabur racun yang berbisa
Dibelakangku di tertawa dan hina

Mungkin aku tiada yang lain
Kerna itu kau berani berpaling
Membiarkan aku tertanya
Siapa milikku

Sehingga ku meninggalkanmu
Baru kini engkau terasa
Cinta siapa lebih perdana

Rising High & Reactions?

I consulted my regular panel doctor & result is... 170/120 another high BP...and that pressure was the same number when I was hospitalised last 2 yrs back...

Doctor gave me higher dosage of BP pills...but I think as a result, it some how give some reactions on my skin...esp my face... damn! It was some sort of pimple-like thing but was quite itchy...Uuurgghh...doctor gave me some antibiotics with some cream and lotion to put on my face but few days passed I think it's worsen...

I become more uncomfortable and I hated the fact it's worsen and I think I need to see my Specialist doctor that cured me last time...but damn expensive...our company benefit also unable to cover all I think...but I guess I should go and meet him cos this rashes and pimple thingy kinda make me stress...!

With tons of work in the office & some personal issues that kept bothering me..doctor did advice me to be extra calm & patience...He said that always stress that could create this problem or maybe...bcos of my BP meds that give me this reaction...but somehow..I just started consuming the meds, how it could become reaction..so my doctor conclude it's due to stress...mmg this week sgtss stress bcos of.....lots of things ;)

Now I am still taking the BP pills for temporary, as doctor have prescribed me 2 type of pills but turn out to become an 'allergic reaction'...And for my face, doctor at the time being only give me antibiotics & some cream to apply...I will be making an appoinment with my Specialist, Dato Dr P S Nathan in Assunta to help me...

He knows how to cure me...Now & lately, I have been really down bcos of this...I'm afraid...But I'll pray everything will be fine...
Cos now I feel terrible with this face lahhhh!!!



Poker Face

I Don't Deserve This Kind of Love & Confusion...

Dear ...

I dunno why but you know how I feel...abt everything...
I can sense that you know...
The way you talk, the way you cared, the way you look at me...
Whether the feelings there or not...I confused...

I don't wanna say...
I don't wanna know...
Abt what you did, or who u truly are...
These feeling weren't supposed to be felt...
But how I should push this feeling away...

Creating distance? Ignorance?
I can't...I'm helpless...
Not that I fall truly, madly, deeply for you...
But I still need you...

You said you're in love...
But to whom...that's I wanna know...
I'm confused...
Silly me to think that it was right...

I hate to be in confusion...
I hate to be in dilemma...
Dunno what is true or what is not...
I hate it..hate it...hate it...!

I don't want to be in between...
I want to stand on one side only...
Beside you...or distance from you...
I hate this feeling...

I don't want to be in this position anymore...
I don't deserve to be in this situation...
Coz I don't belong here...
With you or without you...

I'm gonna step myself out & further apart from you...
Maybe it's the best way...
And treat you like anybody else...
Just don't say a word anymore...

I don't deserve this...



Walking d opposite direction of Love

I Will Be...

There are 2 singers had sang this song...

But originally it was sang & written by one of my fav artist...Avril Lavigne. All I gotta say is this song kinda 'feel' me on what I gone through...and some lyrics of the song really touches me...Dedicate to ppl or person that I hurt b4..and to You.. Enjoy... ;)

Avril Lavigne "I Will Be"- Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

Avril Lavigne - I Will Be

There’s nothing I can say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears I've cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you’d go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I’ll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

I thought that I had every thing I didn’t know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You’re the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe cause your here with me
And if I let you down I’ll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

Cause with out you I can’t sleep
I’m not gonna ever ever let you leave
You’re all I got
You’re all I want
Yeah
And with out you I don’t know what I’ll do
I could never ever live a day with out you
Here with me do you see your all I need

And I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life (my life) I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK

I will be (I’ll be) all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life you know I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing OK